Beauty bible

Make tide marks a thing of the past with this idiot-proof guide to fake tan

Celia Walden’s foolproof guide to fake tan

CURVE YOUR HAND around your ear. Do you hear those distant strains? That’s the world’s smallest violin being played: a lament for the Oompa Loompa ladies of Britain protesting against the cruelty of ‘fake-tan shaming’.

Don’t. Just don’t. People are suffering. And although it’s hard to believe that anyone would do anything so inhumane (or that orange snowflakes actually exist), St Tropez’s new campaign against fake-tan shaming reveals the very worst side of us. A whopping one in three women have been ‘shamed’ for fake tanning, it turns out, while over half a million have ‘experienced negative comments online’ for the same tide-marked-heel-related reasons.

But this is nothing, because the single most absurd campaign since the one fighting to have the Jaffa Cake officially renamed a biscuit also found that 70 per cent of women will make negative judgements about another woman’s appearance… based primarily on badly applied self-tan.

Rather than battle this ‘stigma’, I say we uphold it. Because with the technology we now have and the variety of luxury brands – like St Tropez – out there, there’s simply no excuse for getting fake tan wrong. Particularly when I’ve got the Tom Ford of tanning, James Harknett ( jamesharknett.co.uk), to provide his top tips for tanning dummies – and rounded up some of the most idiot-proof products out there myself. Sorry, but the shame and pain will be worth it when you’re a tide-mark-free bronze goddess.

‘Remove any older tan before applying a new one,’ says Harknett. ‘Fake Bake now has a Tan Corrector & Eraser [£12.95, lookfantastic.com] that gently dissolves older stubborn tan in minutes. Afterwards, gently exfoliate – but nothing too gritty and harsh on the skin.’ Clarins’ Exfoliating Body Scrub (£30, johnlewis.com) refines and softens without irritating.

‘Only moisturise the delicate areas of skin that are prone to dryness, like ankles, tops of feet, elbows, around the kneecaps and across the hands. Also dab a little around the wrists to avoid the dreaded brown cuff,’ Harknett continues. Aēsop’s Resolute Hydrating Body Balm (£70, libertylondon.com) is the best moisturiser both pre- and posttan, locking it in without breaking it down in patches.

Finally, ‘using Fake Bake’s Flawless Coconut Tanning Serum [£29.95, fakebake.co.uk], tan in a cool bathroom in front of the mirror and then stay dry and cool after application. On a warm evening it’s worth drying your tan and cooling the skin with your hairdryer on the cool setting. I especially love the Dyson hairdryer [£299, dyson.co.uk] as it dries a tan to perfection.’