THE MAN FROM THE SCOTT’S PORAGE OATS BOX

What a specimen. Just firing that shotput into a loch like it’s a penny sweet. If he told me to buy his chlorophyll-spiked water, go to sleep at 3pm or start every day with a seaweed enema, I’d do it without question. ‘There’s morage where the porage came from.’

FLAGSHIP PRODUCT Well, porridge oats, I suppose.