Send them on their way safely: now’s the time to talk drink, drugs and sex

If you have weighed the options and allowed your hormonefuelled 16 year-old to exchange second-hand, digital experience for the first-hand real deal of adventures with their friends, congratulations: this is a wise decision, writes Oliver James. However, you will need to have a realistic talk before they go. This is not the time to be coy: they will encounter drink, drugs and sexual situations and need to be prepared.

In order to turn their parent-free holiday into a positive learning experience, here are the key messages to put across to your children:

Don’t spend all of your money at once – allot yourself an amount to spend each day and stick to it. Keep a £20 note in your phone case – to use in emergencies.

Pick your travel companions on the basis that you can trust and talk to them, rather than because they are considered the cool kids.

If you drink alcohol, your judgment will be impaired. Make sure that you eat something substantial if you are going to do so, and it’s a good idea to match each drink with the same amount of water.

Make an agreement with your friends that you will never leave anyone alone – particularly if he or she has had a drink.

Don’t let a friend go home with a stranger. Agree this and discuss it ahead of time.

At some point, you will probably have a disagreement with your friends. Agree money needs and a housekeeping budget beforehand to avoid major rows.

Call home when you reach your destination and every day thereafter in the morning, just to let me know how it’s going. If you do that, I promise not to call you.

Remember that I’m here if you need me – and don’t be shy about giving me a call if you run out of cash or fall out with your best friend, or if you get into trouble. This is a chance for you to be independent and free, and I trust you to be sensible. If you do something stupid, don’t beat yourself up about it – we all make mistakes. But let me know.

Dr Oliver James is a psychologist and the author of They F*** You Up: How To Survive Family Life (Bloomsbury).

Never leave your friends alone, especially if they’ve had a drink