TRAVEL TRIBES

Ross and Jan smile warmly at each other as the glass doors of Stansted Airport slide open subserviently, ushering them into the terminal. Ah, the airport! Their favourite part of any holiday. At the airport, Ross and Jan are VIPs. They’ve purchased Security FastTrack queue-jump passes, and easyJet Plus Speedy Boarding. No expense spared when travelling by low-cost carrier! In the airport, Ross and Jan get to feel like foreign diplomats, except without the mounting concern over their own personal safety. At Stansted, Ross and Jan are stars.

Jan introduced Ross to the Speedy

Boarder lifestyle when they began dating last year, and Ross still bristles with pride and admiration when he sees her in action. The nimble way she manoeuvres her wheelie suitcase around Boots. The curt nod she administers to security personnel. The sharp slap of her passport on the scanner, which marks Jan out as an empowered 21st-century woman who refuses to be messed around.

But what really sets Ross’s pulse racing is her steely demeanour at the gate. Nostrils flare when anyone approaches it before the flight is called and Speedy Boarders are summoned forth, eyes squint at boarding cards for the words PRIORITY, and knuckles clench around the handle of her authorised Second Item Of Hand Luggage.

Ross sinks into his garishly upholstered seat and smiles contentedly, while Jan glares at a young family speaking to the gate staff and gesticulating at a buggy. In a few moments, he and Jan will be on the plane, elbowing past other Speedy Boarders and arranging their items to take up maximum room in the overhead lockers. Bliss! He really has made it, Ross thinks. If only his school friends could see him now.