Ditch the spa and commit to an annual tune-up

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Tell someone you are off for a stint of bracing Austrian air and an air-light calorie count at the Mayr clinic, and the response is invariably “What for?”, or “You don’t need to lose weight!” – to which my forthright answer is: “For myself, actually.”

You don’t have to be noticeably overweight to know that the “muffin top” which moved in over lockdown now has squatters’ rights, but weight is not always the main reason to set out on the Mayr pilgrimage. My menopausal sleep was choppy, and working late on winter nights had left me feeling dead-headed and sluggish.

A colleague decreed that a combination of “intermittent fasting” and cutting out alcohol had worked wonders for her headspace, so I started to look at fasting apps – but the thought of all that discipline while running a household and cooking for the perma-hungry young was too grim to entertain for long. My thoughts turned to actress Rebel Wilson, who I knew had reportedly shed several stone using the Mayr doctrine (named after its founder, Franz Xaver Mayr) – a mix of rigorous gutcleaning, carefully balanced meals eaten slowly and earlier, and a focus on how food affects your mood, habits and energy.

Given that Mayr-inspired clinics proliferate, I opted for the Original FX Mayr, a cosy chalet house perched on the shores of the shimmery Worthersee, and a short taxi over the mountains from Slovenia’s Ljubljana airport – an easy (and cheap) flight from London.

In truth, this is the last time the word “cheap” and Mayr will occur together, since a high-intensity treatment week with a phalanx of highly trained Austrian doctors on call is not financially low-cal. But with the price tag come medics, shiatsu gurus, fitness and yoga trainers, bracing walking guides, lakeside saunas and beauty treatments, plus lovely accommodation, daily appointments and small but palatable meals served in a chic restaurant where silence is observed, so you can better focus on chewing slowly.

I loved the oxygen-enriched highaltitude treatment: the sense of headclearing was instant. It also distracted me from the hunger pangs as the restricted diet kicked in. Braver souls tried three minutes of cryogenic treatment, which is so cold it freezes the hair on your arms – though I’m told there is a spurt of energy afterwards. The costfree version, I discovered, was to immerse yourself in the near-freezing lake – then envelope yourself in a warm robe from the magical heated wardrobe on the hotel deck.

The first three days were a strict fasting period, featuring a lot of vegetable bouillon and buckwheat rolls. After that, I progressed to a relatively generous 600-calorie regime.

The people-watching menu, however, is rich and varied – a mixture of the Normals and the Gods and Goddesses of the A-list.

My appointed physician, Dr Muntean-Rock, was so kind and patently capable that I was inspired to make a long list of everything that was wrong with me. I submitted to a fullclean colon treatment, only to find you could achieve largely the same result – without the indignity – from the required regular intake of Epsom salts.

By day four, I was waking at 8am without an alarm, as fit as a mountain goat, my lunch expanded to include whipped avocado and trout eggs (heavenly). I started to do work on muscle tone with Nikolai, an expert Russian gym and posture trainer who sorted out my creaky joints before we relaxed into evening yoga.

Under the watchful eye of Gabriella Schnitzler, a former senior Prada and Vuitton executive who serenely rules the roost with two dogs in tow, the whole place is a remarkable exercise in multi-disciplinary teamwork. And the proof in the buckwheat pudding is that so many who could choose anywhere for their body-and-soul reboot turn up year after year. Back home, you’ll probably lapse after a week of the vitamin tablets and diet plan – but there’s always next year at the lake.

Treatment programmes at the Original FX Mayr (original-mayr.com) start from £1,466pp for the seven-day Original Mayr Basic programme, which includes diagnostic, medical and detox treatments, but not accommodation. Extension possible

Covid rules Proof of full vaccination is needed, plus evidence of a booster or negative PCR test no more than 72 hours old. Unvaccinated travellers without proof of recovery cannot enter