The Daily Telegraph - Saturday - Travel
The retreat that healed my empty nest blues
When her children left home and her relationship broke down, actor Sadie Frost headed to her go-to place in Goa to rediscover her ‘best self ’
It had been two years since I’d last visited the heavenly, restorative Ashiyana yoga retreat at Mandrem beach in northern Goa – my annual go-to for 10 years. It’s the place that connects me back to “me”, that puts things into perspective and keeps me rooted and connected with what is real.
It is also the place I was ushered out of in a frenzy and panic, when the pandemic struck in 2020. I had no idea when – or if – I would ever go back.
But I was determined to return, and this spring, through lucky timing, I flew direct to Goa – free of restrictions and hassle. I left behind a grey England, feeling pretty desperate and broken.
The past two years had been challenging and full of uncertainties. Like so many other people, I’d neglected my need to practise positivity and give myself lots of self-care. I felt at an alltime low with huge change in my personal life: my children leaving home; a break up from a long-term relationship; and a different path in my career. All these things happening in my mid50s left me feeling directionless; it wasn’t just empty-nest syndrome, but a feeling that I actually had an empty life, an experience for which I certainly wasn’t prepared. I needed a total reset.
Yet, just eight hours later, I landed already feeling trouble-free and excited by what lay in store. Ashiyana is a onestop destination, with yoga, healers, amazing food and a positive philosophy, all under one roof. It is nestled between the sea and a beautiful river, and next to a small, friendly village called Mandrem. I had no idea what to expect postpandemic. Would it still have its flowing infrastructure and the hubbub of excitement, of yogis and students on teachertraining courses all milling around in ecstasy on this heavenly property?
In fact, I was the only Western guest. In the whole two weeks I was in northern Goa, I didn’t see one other person travelling from the UK. The only other people staying there were Indians, Ukrainians and Russians – who, very sadly, left a few days into my stay as the brutal and pointless war broke out. Until then, they had been living perfectly harmoniously together in Goa.
It was a strange feeling, as if life had stood still here, or even gone back to the 1970s, when peace-loving tourists first came in droves and lapped up the simplicity and the lush environment – with no sign of the permanent fixture of Westerners evident in the past few decades. The honesty and beauty were astounding. What used to upset me, such as a little bit of plastic on the beach or an odd flip-flop washed up, didn’t bother me any more, as the planet was clearly facing more major problems.
But I also felt guilty being able to experience this when everyone back home was feeling so miserable. As I sat on the deserted beach, I did wonder why no other tourists had wanted to come, despite the lack of restrictions.
The economy of Goa has been deeply affected by the lack of tourism, and everywhere people are struggling; supermarkets are low on supplies, businesses have closed and a generation of dogs, usually fed by tourists, has been wiped out. This slightly fading beauty had an inherent sadness that rubbed off on me.
But as I stayed longer, and looked deeper, I realised that it is what’s underneath that matters. Ashiyana still had the same heart and ethos – that everyone has the opportunity to become a better version of themselves.
So this became my focus. I practised yoga every day, I had an Ayurvedic cleansing treatment, and saw the onsite emotional behavioural therapist to help with my empty-nest syndrome and some issues with post-traumatic stress disorder. Travelling on my own can sometimes be daunting, but on this trip I was far from lonely. I relished my “me time”; I spent hours in the fulfilling company of locals and found a companion in a local dog called Banksy; and I realised a certain completeness in being on my own.
An Indian friend took me to an ecstatic dance night where phones, talking, drinking and smoking were strictly forbidden. Everyone was having fun, the only highs emanating from being truly present. We danced for hours. It felt safe, and I became more expressive away from life’s frequent inhibitions. It was liberating.
I also met a man recovering from cancer, who felt that living a holistic life was the biggest protection there was from getting sick. So many of us are stuck on the hamster wheel, we forget the freedom of just being able to watch the sunrise and the sunset, of moving our body daily and creating inner-awareness, of absorbing the positive sensations that follow a meditation, meaning you can achieve total acceptance and serenity.
As I reconnected with myself, as with Ashiyana, I realised that the beauty is all still there. It just needs a little TLC. Ashiyana is ready to take the world by storm with a retreat that never ends, where the focus is on sleeping well, calming the mind and supporting you after you leave. From this place of relaxation, you can allow your creativity to flow and your spirit to smile – to be the “best you”. As I said goodbye to Banksy and walked across the bridge from Ashiyana to the village, I felt my best me return.