‘The way my family wastes money disgusts me’

that we all congregate, but it does also seem to encourage the overdoing that has become normal. How can I make a stand without alienating them?

– Anon keen to achieve – changing how your family thinks about and uses money.

You can also lead by example and set up your own charity account with someone like Charities Aid Foundation (Caf) or one of the facilitation platforms. When it comes to next Christmas, or your birthday, you can then let your family know that you are feeling blessed with abundance, and ask for any gift they were considering bestowing on you to take the form of a contribution to your charity account because you have reached a stage in life where helping others gives you the most joy.

The over-catering is also a situation I recognise, although my family have made good use of WhatsApp this year and we all agreed to supply different elements of the feast. One person was on drinks, another on dessert, another got the cheese board and so on.

There were 12 of us to feed from four family groups and, with a bit of messaging back and forth, we made sure we had everyone’s favourites covered, but all contributions were part of the whole. It worked better than in previous years with much less doubling up and overcatering, although I still gained a few pounds and hit the antacid quite hard.

Expectations of a lump of coal and a satsuma in your stocking on Christmas morning have long been surpassed, and I note the trend towards using the gifting season to ensure further gettogethers during the year, with “experience” gifts proving popular; trips to the theatre, spa days, trips to the seaside or a theme park and so on.

This would honour your joy of congregating with your loved ones, and might be another way of giving that supported your values.

Thank you for sharing your dilemma with us. It has also made me reconsider how to play things next year, and I hope you find something useful in these musings.