The Daily Telegraph - Saturday - Money
‘Submissive men pay me to take control of their cash’
‘Financial dominatrix’ Countess Diamond tells Amelia Murray how she makes a six-figure salary from wealthy, thrill-seeking customers
She earns six figures looking after the money of chief executives and bankers – but this is not your average financial adviser. Harper Thornhill, known professionally as Countess Diamond, is a “financial dominatrix”, catering to the growing number of people, the vast majority men, who pay for the thrill of having someone else take complete control of their money.
While the language is the same – restrained but consenting adults are “submissives” – the services offered by Diamond and others go beyond whips and chains. Often these dominatrixes, sometimes called “findoms”, work entirely online or over the phone, and may never meet their clients, let alone touch them.
The professional dominatrix from Bristol, a married mother of two, aims for complete financial control. She orders her submissives, sometimes called slaves, to hand over access to their bank accounts, restricts their spending, controls their financial decisions and takes a healthy cut. It may sound risky, but Diamond, 35, says it’s where the thrill lies.
“The people I work with get a rush from losing money, or the thought of it”, she says. “They’re turned on by the idea of giving over everything they have knowing I’m going to take a big chunk of it.”
Submissives, often referred to as paypigs, ATMs and finsubs, send them significant sums of money, buy them gifts or completely surrender their finances. The clients willingly sign up for the experience and as with the usual dominant/submissive dynamic, the sexual thrill comes from relinquishing control to the dominatrix. But in findom, the power-play is all acted out through money – and it is becoming more popular.
Findom App, a platform that links findoms to submissives, has 9,000 members and the company claims this number is growing rapidly. Members post every one to four seconds, with a spokesman saying: “Our members don’t sign in once or twice a day, but rather they’re online all day, every day. Findom is not a fad, it is here to stay.”
On X, formerly Twitter, you can find countless demands from findoms to potential paypigs, that are often aggressive and loaded with insults. One findom, Daphne, posted: “Let’s go losers I’m in the mood to drain today let’s start big and give me what I deserve.”
And a Tweet from another, Goddess Keeli, a 23-year-old self-described “USA college brat”, wrote: “Annoyed & ready to take it out on a stupid little beta & his bank account.” In a video underneath the post, she spits at the camera and says: “You would be nothing without me.”
But Countess Diamond says this is just one type of financial domination. While she makes her own financial demands to eager submissives, her approach is all-encompassing and even ethical. She says: “The approach is very much ‘I have no interest in you, I just want your money.’ It feels elitist and could result in harm occurring in the relationship.”
Instead, Diamond claims she insists her clients pay down debt and even make pension contributions.
Vicky Reynal, financial psychotherapist and author of Money on Your Mind: The Psychology Behind Your Financial Habits, says: “Money to many people represents power and what is being enacted in a findom dynamic is a person giving that up. The humiliating language that usually accompanies this intensifies that dynamic of feeling powerless. It is a masochistic dynamic in that the person engaging in it finds pleasure in the suffering.”
However, Reynal says the link between pain and pleasure can often come from traumatic experiences. For example, those who experienced neglect as children may consider themself “bad” and deserving of punishment. She suggests those who seek out the services of a findom may be struggling with having control in their lives. They may long to give it up or be the complete opposite – people who feel small and powerless and seek out this familiar dynamic.
Either way, there is a risk of developing an addiction. Reynal says: “There is a psychological release that comes from engaging with this behaviour and that often becomes compulsive.”
Diamond insists that rather than draining her customers’ accounts and heading for the hills, she works to improve her clients’ financial situation.
Acting as their unofficial financial adviser, alongside an accountant and a fund manager who she consults, she demands her submissives make pension contributions, debt repayments, investments for their children, cut unnecessary spending and set aside money for their partners.
Those who follow her instructions are praised and those who fail are punished with financial restrictions or increased “debts” to Diamond. Diamond has had thousands of submissives and messages around 30 clients each day (which starts at 5am) and her longest-running relationship has lasted seven years – she speaks to him every other day.
They are chief executives, heads of departments, businessmen and bankers, from Britain and beyond. Lots of them are married and Diamond says the more money they have, the more their wives turn a blind eye. Diamond charges some clients thousands of pounds a month, while from others she takes very little. However, her work brings in a comfortable six figure salary.
Diamond’s most popular service is her “debt contracts”. Marketed as a game, clients agree to be “monetary reigned by Countess Diamond for the entire duration of the contract.”
Over 30 days customers receive regular emails from the “Bank of Countess Diamond” demanding payments of increasing amounts. There are three options – low, medium and high risk – which cost £10, £25 and £50. In a highrisk contract seen by it says: “Slave shall make a minimum weekly payment to Countess Diamond in the amount of £250 via Vouchers. The ongoing schedule will be determined by Countess Diamond and is subject to change at her discretion.”
The first email sent stated a starting debt of £1,000 with a minimum weekly payment of £250. A few days later the debt increased by £30 and shortly after it went up by another £50.
Diamond says the debt contracts are popular because they can involve relatively small amounts of money and take effect instantly. Submissives get a thrill when the debt increases, knowing she’s accruing wealth.
Sarah Coles, head of personal finance at investment platform Hargreaves Lansdown, says playing games with your finances could have real consequences, if you trust the wrong person.
She says: “It’s your money, and your life, so it’s entirely your choice, but if you’re going anywhere near this, you need to appreciate how risky it is.”
‘They’re turned on by the idea of giving over everything they have knowing I’m going to take a big chunk of it’
If you need help with an addiction, the NHS provides lots of useful information online or you can call the Samaritans on 116 123