The Undateables star whose mother helped him find love
Undateables star Daniel Wakeford has a girlfriend thanks to the dating agency his mother started. India Sturgis reports
For Carol Wakeford, remembering her son Daniel’s childhood is a bitter-sweet experience. “Daniel [now 28] was painfully shy as a young lad,” she says in her kitchen in East Sussex, her hands wrapped around a mug of strong tea.
“He insisted on wearing dark sunglasses everywhere. He wouldn’t go into the school assembly if there was a play on, and if he walked into a room with people in, even if he knew them, he would have his eyes closed for the first half-hour, even behind the sunglasses.”
Daniel’s anxiety was pronounced. For his mother, who desperately wanted her child to integrate and be happy and healthy, it was agonising.
On the autistic spectrum, Daniel has struggled with speaking and comprehending others for most of his life. “It’s as though someone is inside his head and they have a long strip of paper with all the sentences on and they’re cutting each word up and throwing it out in the wrong order,” says Carol, 57.
His parents battled to get him coveted spots at specialist speech and language schools and avoid the likely bullying, but they couldn’t shield him completely.
“Some people didn’t want him at their children’s parties because he is not the same as other children. That was horrible,” says his mother. “How can you do that?”
She and Daniel’s father, Barry, 66, a support worker, who have been married for 33 years, had largely given up hope that their son might find love, happiness and, eventually, a relationship as strong as theirs, something he had told them was his dream.
At the age of 17, he began writing music. His first song, The Black of
Lonely, described the melancholy of being alone. For a mother, the lyrics cannot have been easy listening.
As Carol relays their story, Daniel sits opposite her, sipping a Coke. Seeing the two together, her words are tricky to believe: he is talkative, animated and enthusiastic. A gentle 6ft 4in presence with a tumbling head of hair and wide, blue eyes, he maintains eye contact, unabashed. What’s more, he has a girlfriend.
This is down to two factors: the Channel 4 show The Undateables, and Carol’s decision to start a dating agency for those who, like Daniel, suffer learning difficulties.
The Undateables, a Bafta-nominated series now in its fifth run, is a reality show chronicling the lives of single people with disabilities and learning difficulties looking for love. Daniel has taken part in three episodes, become its unlikely star and a poster boy for autism. His unwaveringly happy outlook, earnest pursuit of love and one-liners (“Well, look who she is!”, “Will you fancy me?” and, when asked by one girl what their future held, “We might go to Eastbourne if you want to”) have spawned a dedicated online fan base and drawn comparisons even with One Direction heartthrob Harry Styles.
“We get recognised everywhere,” says Carol, her face lighting up. “Home, abroad – anywhere. I don’t think a day goes by when someone doesn’t ask for a photo or autograph.
“Three years ago, Daniel would have walked down the street, spoken differently, and people would have looked at him strangely. Now, he gets the coolest dudes coming up to him saying, ‘High five, respect!’
“And the girls say they wish their boyfriends were more like him. People who wouldn’t have spoken to him before are realising, actually, he is no different to them. The confidence it has given him is amazing. It has changed our lives dramatically.”
Last year, the show was accused by the British Medical Association of exploiting the vulnerable to provoke laughter by turning those with Tourette’s, Down’s syndrome and Asperger’s into “a source of comedy”.
Critics also questioned whether participants could truly give informed consent to becoming television stars.
Carol admits she had reservations about her son appearing on the show, now watched by three million people. “I didn’t like its name,” she says. “I said he shouldn’t go on it. We had loads of worries. But after watching it for the first time, I thought it was brilliant. I said I had to be involved every step of the way.”
After his first episode aired, feedback was overwhelmingly positive, apart from one suggestion that Carol and Barry were being taken advantage of. “I just thought, ‘You’ve got the problem, nobody else,’” says Carol. “It has brought [the issue of dealing with learning difficulties] to the surface. These guys don’t just want to be in front of a TV watching
Fireman Sam. They are adults and they want to do the same things as adults.”
Daniel was 14 months old when he suddenly lost all power of speech for five years, communicating only through signs and baby babble. Doctors blamed his condition on meningitis and septicaemia. It wasn’t until he reached the age of nine that a diagnosis of autism was reached. “Once they actually said it, it was a massive relief because I had something to use as a point of reference,” says Carol. “Floating with no diagnosis was the toughest bit.”
It is no small miracle that Daniel has met his girlfriend, Amber, 22. They first locked eyes on The
Undateables during a speed-dating exercise but he didn’t place a tick – the sign he wanted to see her again – next to her name. It wasn’t until later that love finally blossomed, at an event organised by his mother’s dating agency, Heart Venture.
“She feels a quality to me. My girlfriend and I to be like birds of a feather,” interjects Daniel.
Carol started the business two years ago with a family friend, Diane Sharkey, after Daniel moved into a supported living house nearby with four friends. Carol, a hairdresser at the time, realised how little there was going on for him. Security around the agency, which is exclusive to those with learning difficulties, is essential: those who sign up are first met in person; they cannot talk directly with one another online; and all first dates are chaperoned by a health-care professional or someone from Carol’s team.
“Most are very shy and find it difficult asking people out for a date. But at a Heart Venture event, it is like carte blanche,” says Carol. “We’ve had loads of successes. It’s about friendship, too. We have girls that meet up for lunch and go shopping because of it. They are just so isolated, these guys. They go to school and make friends at school. Then they finish school and there is nothing. It is a real problem.”
Heart Venture quiz nights and discos draw crowds of 120. Daniel has used its services to arrange crazy golf trips to Worthing, excursions to Thorpe Park and fish-and-chip dates in cafés with Amber.
“Two dates in and I said to Amber, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’,” he says, his grin as wide as the moon.
“Now they watch romantic films together,” adds Carol, clearly delighted with the arrangement.
So are marriage and children on the cards?
“Yes!” says Daniel. “But I won’t say it to Amber about marriage. Too soon.” He adds that when he’s 32, he might tell his mum and dad he’s ready to marry, because he has noticed men usually propose when they are in their thirties.
The jury is still out on the idea of starting a family, but for Carol, who has an older daughter and three grandchildren by her, it is the relationship that matters. “I am so thrilled for them,” she says.
Daniel, meanwhile, has started writing new songs. His latest, called
I Love Girlfriend, is a smash hit with
all the family.
The Undateables is on Monday at 9pm on Channel 4
‘Daniel is now an unlikely star and a poster boy for autism’