PM favours soft cell approach to get prison reform (and Gove’s support)
DAVID CAMERON was having another of his progressive episodes.
“Being tough on criminals is not always the same as being tough on crime,” declared the Prime Minister, during a startlingly liberal speech in London about his government’s plans for penal reform. “We should offer hope… I want prisons to be places of care, not just punishment… Finding diamonds in the rough and helping them shine, that is our mission…” To this end, he made several proposals you might not expect to hear from a Tory PM. He suggested letting some criminals spend only the weekend in custody, and argued those who’d left prison shouldn’t have to declare their convictions when applying for jobs.
Intriguingly, Mr Cameron also wants prisons, like schools, to be ranked in league tables – reflecting “meaningful metrics of their performance” such as “employment outcomes for prisoners”.
Of course, ever since state schools were ranked in league tables, places at the best have been hoovered up by sharp-elbowed middle-class parents.
Perhaps the same will happen with prisons. I can hear the dinner party chatter now. “Oh yes, Tarquin is very happy at Belmarsh. Which I must say is a relief, because it’s incredibly hard to get in. We even bought a flat in the catchment area. But I do think it’s worth it, to make sure your child goes to a good prison.” “Oh, I know. So many parents miss out on their first choice. Hugo got into Wandsworth, which is rated in the top three for mailbag sewing. Plus all the extracurricular activities are first-rate. Last month his wing all went rockbreaking in St Moritz, and next week they’re going on an exchange trip with a group of French arsonists.”
“Marvellous. Of course with a good prison it isn’t just about the standard of incarceration, is it – it’s about the contacts you make. We always assumed Tarquin would go into drug trafficking, but now he’s thinking about contract killing, or maybe even politics. How about Hugo? You must miss him terribly.”
“Oh no, we see him at evenings and weekends. He’s only a day prisoner, not a boarder. I couldn’t send him away to prison full-time. I actually think that can be quite traumatic.”
You may be wondering what prompted Mr Cameron’s sudden fit of compassion. Cynics have suggested he was ingratiating himself with Michael Gove, his crusading Justice Secretary. Mr Cameron is reportedly anxious to persuade Mr Gove not to campaign for Brexit in the EU referendum. A journalist asked the Prime Minister whether he’d succeeded.
“Michael Gove, like the whole Government, supports the renegotiation that is taking place,” replied Mr Cameron. Hmm, that wasn’t quite the question he’d been asked. As it happened, though, Mr Gove was present. We could ask the man himself.
Sadly, he scurried off before journalists could reach him. Perhaps he had some urgent reforming to do.