Eight things I hate about New York

Pointless bread, rough sleepers and the dizzying cost of living... Emma turns her mind to the downsides of living in New York

‘New Yorkers have a takeaway more than 10 times a week – the oven is where they keep their shoes’

We’ve now lived in Manhattan for seven months, and I have mostly banged on about how much I adore it. So in the interests of fair and equal representation, here’s what I don’t like about New York.

Trump My youngest son came home last week saying he was worried his school might have to close because so many children in his class have told him that if Trump is elected president, their family is emigrating. Manhattan is predominantly Democrat, and dislike of Trump has become a wonderfully unifying force. All you have to do is say his name and everyone you meet here passionately agrees about the man described as “the villain in a movie where the hero is a dog’.’

The cheese, bacon, bread, butter, sugar and milk

The bread tastes like a sweet flannel, the milk and butter taste of sugar, the sugar tastes of super-strength sugar, the bacon tastes of nothing, and the cheese gets put on everything, which is exciting, but when you bite into it, it’s empty. To make it worse, nobody tells your waistline that the additional ingredients didn’t enhance the dish, so you get all the weight gain without any of the flavour.

Healthcare

I had a filling last month, and it cost $400 (£280). A friend is undergoing some routine minor surgery this week: the 15-minute check-up cost $1,000, the overnight hospital charge for the operation is $7,500, the anaesthesiologist is $3,000, and the doctor’s fee is $12,000. If you’re uninsured you’re in trouble.

High-fiving

It’s a lovely, joyful mini-celebration, but at the end of a keep-fit class, it makes me want to hurt someone.

The homeless

Figures for homelessness in Manhattan are at their highest since the Great Depression of the Thirties. In the most privileged and developed town in the world, there are literally thousands of people sleeping rough in belowfreezing temperatures every night. The city has tackled the transport system, litter, crime and drug problems; they now need a brilliant solution for the homeless. Let’s hope Trump gets in: I’m sure he will be filled with compassion for the street sleepers, especially the Muslim ones.

Takeaways

Fifty-eight per cent of meals in Manhattan are takeaways or eaten in restaurants. Everyone I meet here has an app on their phone for instant home delivery, and having a meal delivered can be cheaper than cooking it yourself. So family dining is a dying tradition, and most people eat out or have a takeaway more than 10 times a week. The oven is often where New Yorkers keep their shoes.

Tipping

If you order a drink at a theatre, a loaf of bread from a bakery or a beer in a pub, the bill will come with a suggested tip amount. Staff are sometimes paid nothing because of a dependency on the tipping culture, and to keep accounts clean you can often only tip in cash. One day last week, I was cash-less so couldn’t tip the girl who gave me a blow-dry; the manager rang me later to complain.

Theatre seats

Some of the best theatre in the world is a 20-minute walk from my front door – but tickets cost from $100 for a bad seat to $2,000 for a top one. It means that only a certain type of person gets to go to the shows, which in turn dictates the types of plays that get produced. My middle son has asked me to add Stan, our house rabbit, to the list. This is controversial: he is my favourite member of the family, whereas the children say he is vicious and incontinent, and we should have him for dinner. I pointed out sarcastically that, as it’s New York, we could give him to a restaurant to cook and then have him delivered to our house. This is now their preferred option: I think they may have been here too long.