Have you got class? Put that bottle down...
A new survey attempts to define classiness, and any woman who claims she hasn’t had a quick and insecure shufti at the new Ten Commandments is either off drinking Jägerbombs in Magaluf or a Middleton. (Kate was named the classiest celebrity in the poll.)
According to the survey of 2,000 Britons, class is no longer the preserve of those who can trace their lineage back to Edgar the Peaceful and don’t have to buy furniture.
Of course, there are those who would strenuously argue the distinction between being of a class and having class. But as they are likely to be the insufferable snobs who used to whisper disparagingly “doors to manual” every time ex-flight attendant Carole Middleton appeared at a gathering, let’s disregard them.
So, back to 21st-century style. The poster girl is the Duchess of Cambridge, but Taylor Swift is up there and Idris Elba, whose manor may have been East Ham but whose manners are the stuff of 007.
Apparently they can tick off the 50 telltale signs of good breeding; although I would suggest they are signs of a good upbringing, which is subtly different.
The guidelines for men and women range from “owning a tailored suit” to “never using text speak” and “speaking one or more foreign languages”, according to those questioned by fashion brand Peter Hahn.
For women, the top 10 are:
1. Wears subtle make-up. I ace this because I don’t own eye shadow and I thought my friend’s MAC BB cream was for her baby.
2. Ages Gracefully. Debatable. I still play with lift buttons.
3. Has confidence. Oh yes. At my age, Don’t Care can’t be made to care because Don’t Care doesn’t give a monkey’s.
4. Never drinks from the bottle. Obviously. They clearly didn’t carry out their survey in Waitrose.
5. Accepts compliments graciously. Ironically, I’m only just getting the hang of this one as the compliments are starting to tail off.
6. Only wears heels she can walk in. Car to bar? I can teeter with the best of them.
7. Always smells nice. A dab of Dior and the faint whiff of dog. Her Majesty would approve, I’m sure.
8. Doesn’t downplay her intelligence. If this is a synonym for being a mouthy knowall, why thank you.
9. Reveals cleavage sparingly. Of course. I’m tremendously leggy, you see. Or as leggy as a 5ft 2½ woman can be.
10. Wears dresses tight enough to show she’s a woman, but loose enough to prove she’s a lady. I do like to leave enough room to polish off the 12-course tasting menu and still stop off at the chip shop on the way home. But I always steal a fresh linen napkin for my fish supper. Sometimes the lady really is a tramp.