Is Ukip’s Frank Sinatra ready for one last comeback?

‘Both Mr Nuttall and Mr Farage laughed loudly. Perhaps a little too loudly’

Great minds think alike. Yesterday morning, Labour announced the six things they wanted from Brexit. Then Ukip revealed the six things they wanted from Brexit, too. Disappointingly the Lib Dems didn’t join in the fun, but I suppose we can guess what their six demands would have been. (“1. Remain in the EU. 2. Don’t leave the EU. 3. Avoid exiting the EU.” Etc.)

Sir Keir Starmer, the shadow Brexit secretary, spoke at Chatham House in London. Labour, he said, wanted “a strong and collaborative relationship with the EU”; “the exact same benefits as we currently have as members of the Single Market and Customs Union”; “fair management of migration”; “defend [workers’] rights”; “protect national security”; “deliver for all regions and nations of the UK”.

Sir Keir didn’t sound optimistic that Theresa May would achieve them. Then again, Sir Keir rarely sounds optimistic about anything. He has the perpetual air of a policeman on a doorstep, removing his helmet to deliver bad news.

“Failure to meet these tests,” he said glumly, “will affect how Labour votes in the Commons.”

An interesting strategy. Voting against Mrs May’s deal would surely mean leaving with no deal at all: in the language of Remainers, the hardest possible Brexit. Which would make Labour the party that warned us against this calamity – and then delivered it.

Paul Nuttall, Ukip’s current leader, made his own six demands at a hotel near Parliament. His audience consisted of journalists, plus a special guest: one Nigel Farage, who sauntered in and sat at the back. Mr Farage hadn’t come to speak; in fact, it was never made clear why he was there. Both before and during Mr Nuttall’s speech, photographers spent a lot more time taking pictures of Mr Farage than they did of Mr Nuttall. Their cameras clicked like crickets. Mr Farage beamed.

Although the room was small, Mr Nuttall read out his speech at the top of his voice. Perhaps, for some reason, he felt a need to assert his authority.

Ukip’s six demands, he bellowed, were: full Parliamentary sovereignty; full control of borders; full control of fishing waters; leave the Single Market and Customs Union; finalise Brexit by 2019; and don’t pay a penny more to the EU.

Suddenly I remembered something. After he resigned as Ukip leader last summer, Mr Farage was asked whether he might ever return. “If Brexit wasn’t delivered,” he replied, “then I would have to think seriously about plunging back in.”

I raised my hand. If Mrs May failed to pass Ukip’s six tests, was Mr Nuttall worried that the gentleman at the back of the room would demand his job back? Both Mr Nuttall and Mr Farage laughed loudly. Perhaps a little too loudly.