Sexist comments you can get away with
The OK sexist list What men should know about what is acceptable – or not – to say to a woman
Once in a while I’m reminded that we’re all in a muddle about sexism. For example, in the park at the weekend, a football dribbled across my path, so I kicked it back, using the inside of my foot, as my brothers taught me. At which point a man sitting on a bench said: “Well done!” in a surprised, admiring tone (I’m telling you, my ball skills have been undervalued… probably because I’m a woman).
And then I saw this man wonder, for a split second, if he had misspoken. Before I had a chance to smile and thank him, he was already questioning if “not bad for a woman” (which is effectively what he was saying) was an unacceptably sexist thing to say in 2017. It made me quite sad.
Because I would like to be able to kick back a ball in the park and be congratulated on my aim by a (rather attractive, thirtysomething) bloke who was innocently appreciating the efforts of someone old enough to be his mum (though we probably don’t say that any more, post Brigitte Macron).
Which brings me to the OK Sexism list. Calm down, dears, it’s OK to say the following:
“I like your dress!” This is a perfectly acceptable observation in a social context and one we will always appreciate, unless you are looking directly at the area containing our breasts. Let’s face it, we are wearing said dress in the hope of being admired, and we can tell the difference between a compliment and a leer. (Not to be confused with: “You look stunning in your Linkedin photograph.” Btw, “stunning” is a rather dodgy word, we now realise. Like “fit” but more “and you have put me under your spell, you minx”.)
“Can I give you a hand carrying that?” Yes, you can! Always. The only time we might say “No, no, oof, I’m fine!” is if we are precariously balanced and have the breakable stuff resting against our thigh.
No female when offered assistance is going to think, “How bloody dare you? Sexist pig!” They’ll be thinking: “Thank God for strong-armed men.”
(Not to be confused with: “Has the little lady bitten off more than she can chew?”. Though, frankly, if you’re going to lug my bags, go ahead and patronise me all you want).
“Presumably you want to check out the shops for three hours?” Answer: Yes we do. And thank you for paying attention.
(Not to be confused with “You ladies won’t be interested in this big fight/ gambling/last hunk of Yorkshire pudding/tractor museum/sticking around for cigars”).
“Just saying, you won’t be able to walk in those by 11pm.” At first we may think, “Don’t shoepatronise us”, and then we have to admit that men do seem to have a better memory for this stuff than women do.
(Not to be confused with “I think you’ll find it a bit hard going, so maybe stay behind”.)
“There you go, darling.” It is OK to call us darling, or pet, or sweetheart, provided a) we like you, or b) you are an avuncular stranger behind a counter and not in our house doing some work, or in the driving seat of a minicab.
(Not to be confused with “All right, darling, is your husband around?”, or, “Don’t you worry, darling, the wires are meant to stick out like that”.)
“Blimey, what does she look like?” I fear we have been known to say similar things about our own sex. And to be honest, we quite like it when men say: “What’s she done to her face?” (Not to be confused with slut shaming.)
“The thing about the money owed to the European Union is…” This is known as mansplaining, but I don’t have a problem with it. Women can either say, “Yes, I know that, shut up.” Or, “Ah, good. I need to get to the bottom of this.” (Not to be confused with: “I will be talking across you all night because I only talk about politics to men.”)
And do keep praising our ball skills. Good luck.
No female, when offered assistance, is going to think: ‘How bloody dare you? Sexist pig...’