I don’t need a fridge camera to know the sad state of my salad leaves

Haven’t we reached peak personal assistance yet? We’ve already got Siri on Apple, Alexa on Amazon and Cortana on Microsoft. Now Bosch wants to boss us about, one creepy kitchen spy at a time.

The hi-tech German manufacturer has just launched a mini-camera that can be installed in the fridge and connected to an app on your smartphone. Wow. Is this how far civilisation has come since the Greeks and Romans?

The idea is that when you are in Lidl (other, less Teutonic supermarket are available), you can see at the touch of a screen exactly how many eggs are left, whether you need more butter and if there are enough vegetables for a healthy supper.

Come again? Maybe in Germany where EU courgette diktats rule. In my fridge, there’s no room for Freya the fridge snoop, what with the two-dozen emergency Parmesan stubs, the random glut of wrinkling red peppers, and the plastic boxes filled with punctiliously decanted but now entirely unidentifiable white stuff. And spores. Always spores.

There are, of course, nice things in the fridge, too – leftover cheesecake, posh pâté, homemade creamy sauce – and sometimes I even manage to find them while they are still fit to eat.

After all, better to risk the aged vanilla sponge than a foray into the vegetable drawer which is more of a Quatermass experiment. I’m not sure why I ever bothered to buy a Nutribullet when there’s liquefaction going on for free, usually inside a salad bag.

A new study reveals that we bin 40 per cent of bagged leaves due to poor meal planning.

Not me. I pour my putrefactions onto the herbaceous border, which counts as recycling.

That’s why the appeal of frigid Freya leaves me cold. A gadget reproaching me for my limp carrots and sweaty asparagus? Perish the very thought.