Judith Woods
Bullying doesn’t stop once you leave school
stracised at lunchtime. Excluded from huddled conversations. Wordlessly, painfully cold shouldered. It’s tough being a child in the primary playground. But tough too being a grown-up in a professional working environment. I know a previously sunny seven-year-old who is being bullied by her frenemies. I also know a 4O-year-old mother of two who is currently being bullied by her line manager.
The same sly tactics, the same distressing outcome; churning stomach, social anxiety, feelings of worthlessness.
The little girl in question is bewildered and has begged her parents not to tell the teacher because it will only make her life much, much worse. My friend feels undermined, demotivated and teeters on the brink of clinical depression while frantically applying for new jobs.
The only upside, she bleakly wisecracks, is that she’s shed a stone and a half. But we both know that she has lost a lot more than that; her confidence at work, her self esteem at home, her joie de vivre. And all the while she has no idea why she has gone from valuable team player to victim – and the constant rumination is destroying her sanity.
She is not alone. It may be scant comfort, but we are in the grip of an epidemic of bullying. From Hollywood to the House of Commons to our schools and trolling online, a poison has seeped into modern life.
What is sexual harassment if not a form of bullying? Clinical psychologists have long since asserted that it has less to do with sex than anger, violence and power.
A damning report this week from the University of Hertfordshire reveals that subtle emotional bullying is far more damaging than verbal and even physical bullying. One in five girls aged from 11 to 15 have been bullied by their own friends in the past two months; manipulated, excluded, used as a pawn within a wider circle. For boys the figure was 13.7 per cent. Teachers often dismiss it as just part and parcel of the schoolyard hierarchy, and yes it’s fair to say that the making and breaking of alliances has always existed.
But once upon a time children left their bullies at the school gates, these days they carry their tormentors home in their smartphones. There is no escape. The outcome can be harrowing; ask Lucy Alexander, whose bright, loving son Felix took his own life. Aged just 17 he believed he was worthless due to heartless, inhumane cyberbullying. Like most teenagers, social media was his world and after that world turned on him, the nasty jibes and thoughtlessly dispensed cruelties ate away at his self esteem.
When the Duke of Cambridge this week unveiled an action plan to combat online abuse, he met 13-year-old Chloe Hine, who self- harmed and tried to kill herself after her so-called online friends began relentlessly picking on her.
Another tragic story that I hope will bring about a sea change in how social media giants like Facebook and Snapchat deal with cyberbullies. The campaign slogan is “stop, speak, support”; I pray with all my heart it will soon be ingrained into every child along with the Green Cross Code.
Perhaps we have a chance here that the next generation will grow up wiser and kinder, because I honestly despair of so many adults I see today. We can blame social media for the ease with which the inadequate and the angry can target anyone they choose for no good reason other than boredom, envy or just sheer badness, but it takes an actual person to consciously hit the “send” button.
Take the Chorley couple who took to social media to turn on the paediatric surgeon who was treating their child and accused him of “sexism”. Take them anywhere, preferably to a different hospital. In a different country.
Consultant Colin Baillie’s crime was the jocular use of the word “manful” in a letter, referring to the fact that dad not mum had taken the pair’s threeyear-old daughter along to an appointment.
For that light-hearted anachronism he was publicly pilloried by them, humiliated, and made to apologise via a hospital statement.
What a toxic attack. And what indefensible spinelessness on the part of the NHS Trust that runs Royal Preston Hospital which gave this, in my view, entirely vexatious, venal complaint any credence.
What was to gain from the whole pathetic episode? Nothing. All that resulted was that two uppity adults who ought to have known better, felt a malign glow of self-satisfaction from unleashing the gates of social media hell on a dedicated medic who was simply caring for their child. I know I sound furious, but read the unpleasant, revolting, explicit trolling that goes on online and try not to throw your hands up in horror at the wave of hatred emanating from a very dark place indeed.
Yes let us arm our children with resilience and practical advice so they can call out bullies where they find them. But let us also keep in mind the sad fact that bullying is not the preserve of the young. Almost 20 per cent of Americans report workplace bullying, and a 2014 poll by women’s campaign group Opportunity Now and accountants PWC shockingly disclosed that more than half of women in the UK have been harassed or bullied at work; often by other female staff. This isn’t just affecting adults emotionally, but physically too.
A Danish study, also published this week, has shown that workers bullied by colleagues are 46 per cent more likely to fall victim to type 2 diabetes in later life.
Which brings me back to my friend. Her line manager is a man but he clearly understands exactly what he’s doing when he openly criticises the standard of her work then smilingly invites the rest of the team for drinks.
Things are looking positive on the new job front but my friend has sworn to resist the temptation to confront her nemesis when she hands in her notice. She’s keeping her powder dry for her outgoing interview when she will pull no punches. And as for my friend’s seven-year-old, her parents are in unofficial talks with her teacher, mapping out the best solution.
It would be nice if they could assure her that once the current situation is sorted she will never be bullied again But sadly, the chances are that would be a lie.
Bullying doesn’t just affect adults emotionally, it also has physical consequences