Drunk, stressed and obese: why Santa ought to lay off the sherry
He’s probably got gout, Lyme disease and mental health issues, warn doctors who say he needs a detox
CHRISTMAS is the season to make merry... but not for the big man himself, according to doctors.
Children should not leave sherry for Father Christmas on Christmas Eve because he is an overweight alcoholic at risk of mental health problems, the head of the Royal College of GPS has warned.
Jolly old St Nicholas is famed for his rotund stomach, rosy cheeks and, according to children’s poem The Night Before Christmas, keeps a pipe glued to his lips at all times.
But Prof Helen Stokes-lampard, the chairman of the royal college, said his poor diet and lifestyle had left Father Christmas at risk of a host of debilitating conditions. It is likely, she said, that he is suffering from alcoholism, work-related stress, gout and sleep deprivation.
He may even have contracted Lyme disease from spending too much time with his reindeers, which could be infested with disease-bearing ticks. And the pressure of working a night shift will have exacted a heavy health toll.
In fact, unless Father Christmas gets a handle on his drinking, over-eating and lack of exercise, it could be the last year he will be dropping presents down the chimney.
“He’s overweight and all of us do our bit to add to his obesity by leaving mince pies and cookies for him and milk or alcohol. He may have gout, he may have alcoholism – there’s a real bit of binge drinking going on.
“There are also issues with sleep deprivation, work stress, his mental health. Lyme disease is another potential one as reindeer can carry ticks,” she added.
Centuries of sherry-drinking, munching on mince pies, and gruelling night shifts will mean he could be overdue a health check, warned the doctor. But Prof Stokes-lampard offered advice on how Father Christmas could shed pounds by running between houses rather than taking a ride on his sleigh.
She added: “Although he sets a brilliant example of good behaviour and teaches the importance of giving rather than receiving, he could probably do more to encourage healthy lifestyles – something youngsters and adults alike can benefit from.
“If Mr Claus was a patient at my practice, I would be encouraging him to adopt a vastly healthier diet and take more exercise in the new year.
“I’d also be keen to address his binge drinking, something which many people – perhaps even unknowingly – tend to do while celebrating Christmas.
“The human body can only process one unit of alcohol per hour, which means excessive consumption could make Santa drunk very quickly.
“This not only increases the likelihood of him slipping in the snow or mixing up important presents, but could also lead to long-term issues affecting his mood and mental health.
“In the meantime, I would recommend that Santa gives the sherry a miss this year – and maybe asks Rudolph if he can share his carrots.”
‘He may have alcoholism – there’s a real bit of binge drinking going on’