My resolutions will boost any relationship
New year, new you The truly romantic resolutions we should be making this year
Aside from floss more, drink less, don’t keep Kettle Chips in the house, we all have long lists of new year’s resolutions. But how many will be to do with improving our relationships? No point getting a flat stomach and a tidy living room if he is planning a trip to the divorce lawyer. So, here are a few relationship resolutions to kick off 2018. Starting with...
Don’t use your partner as a ventriloquist’s dummy
It has recently been pointed out to me that it’s unhealthy to haul your partner behind the larder door and instruct him on what, precisely, to say to the youngest regarding the way they discard their knife and use their fork like a shovel (what is that?). Tell them yourself. He can’t remember the right tone.
Don’t micromanage
This takes self-restraint if you are 99per cent sure that “Yes, I cleared it up!” meant throwing a tea towel over it and briefly manipulating the tea towel with the toe of his shoe. However, micromanaging is the death of relationships, apparently.
Do resist complaining
And then complaining again just before you fall asleep, because you have thought of a much better example to illustrate why you are not happy about what happened in the car last week.
Do make short videos of all the things that annoy you and which they deny
Eg leaving all the clean washing on the floor in front of the drier having found their socks; cooking with the gas turned up to five-feet-fat-spitting radius; placing the red wine bottle half on the rug, half on the floor where it will, in 10 minutes, tip over and empty its contents on to said rug. Then show them the videos. They will hoot with laughter, but you never know. The message might sink in.
Do make date night more datey
And less the night we stay in and are considerate about what the other one wants to watch on TV.
Do ask them one thing you do that really annoys them
With a view to ceasing that thing – and vice versa. They (if male) won’t tell you because they will consider it not worth the pain. You can tell them your list. No probs. (Note: If you know what the thing is that really annoys them, such as you singing in a pixie voice, or wearing the cropped wide-legged jeans that make you look like a navvy, maybe do less of it).
Men!
Row back on clipping your toenails in bed.
Women!
Same goes for grabbing your spare tyre and going “Urgh… Look at this FAT”. None of this is getting either of you anywhere.
Men!
Don’t say “Yes, I am going to do it. In. A. Minute” – and then not do it ever.
Women!
Don’t ask questions like “Do you wish I was tidier? Would you like it if I made chutney? Would you prefer me with ironed glossy hair like Susie’s?” The answer to which is clearly Yes, Yes and Yes – but they can’t say that, so it’s mental torture.
Men!
Look what you are doing in the loo. How hard can it be?
Women!
Don’t go on and on about fancying Karl Ove Knausgaard. And did you notice that Geoff put up all the bookshelves in their house. And he’s taking the children skiing… on his own.
That’ll do for now.