Dear Theresa, just tell us how you really feel
Oh dear. The Prime Minister made one of her uptight “relaxed” appearances on ITV’S This Morning with Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield. What could possibly go wrong?
The poor PM blushed when Schofield asked: “Are you enjoying this job?” When she replied that she was, he asked: “Really?” Then she said: “Throughout my life whenever I’ve taken jobs on… I just get on and do it.”
Please no, not the getting-on-with-the-job line! Schofield then challenged her on whether she was secure at No10 and she said imaginatively: “Yes, I’m going to get on with it.”
“When you see the words ‘beleaguered’, ‘hanging on by a thread’,” Schofield prompted, “don’t you spend a lot of your time looking behind you to see who’s about to stab you in the back?”
My, how the blush crimsoned. Asked if she
could cling on, the PM said: “Yes. I’m doing a job and I’m going to jolly well get on and do it.”
Just for once, wouldn’t it be nice if Theresa could tell us what she really feels? “To be perfectly honest with you, Phillip, it’s a nightmare. No one in their right mind would want to be in my shoes, not with the opponents I’ve got. And that’s just the Cabinet.
“Don’t get me started on Brussels. Barnier’s a devious, patronising b------ who makes ludicrous demands he knows I can’t accept and then let’s it be known that negotiations are in trouble. As for Juncker, with his wandering hands and Bordeaux breath… worse than Trump. I’d like to report him to #Metoo, but I’m the Prime Minister, so how’s that going to look? I thought Angela might be able to help, but she’s on her way out after letting in a million refugees, the silly moo. Pardon my French, but honestly. Amber and Philip want a soft Brexit and Boris and Michael want a hard one and I just want a nice walking holiday. Fat chance.
“And don’t get me started on that Soubry woman. Almost as alarming as the heartfelt support of Jacob Rees-mogg. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, I’ve got a job to do. And I’m jolly well going to get on and do it.”