Linda Blair Make new friends in adulthood

Despite the myriad ways we have of “reaching out”, many of us often feel unsupported and alone. In a recent ONS survey, 5per cent of UK adults reported feeling lonely “often or always”; 16per cent said they were lonely “some of the time”.

Relate and Relationships Scotland reported even higher levels in their 2017 survey: 45per cent said they felt lonely some of the time, while 18per cent were lonely all the time.

Supporting data suggests younger adults (16-24 years), individuals who live alone, those who have long-term physical or mental health problems, and those who feel no sense of connection with others in their neighbourhood, are particularly vulnerable to such feelings.

Satisfying relationships are more important than ever. Not only do they minimise our sense of isolation, they’re also beneficial to both physical and mental health.

Patricia Resick at Duke University reviewed studies focusing on individuals facing new and/or difficult situations. She found a significant relationship between good social support and better mental and physical health across a range of populations, including students, the unemployed, new mothers, those recently widowed, and parents who have children suffering from serious medical conditions. William Chopik at Michigan State University examined the results of a survey of 271,053 adults worldwide, and found individuals of all ages who prioritised and valued their friendships felt themselves to be in better physical and mental health.

Robert Sapolsky at Stanford University goes further. He claims a lack of social support is as bad for physical health as obesity, smoking, and high blood pressure.

The importance of nurturing friendships can’t be overstated. However, major life events such as moving house or job, losing a loved one or retiring, often brings a loss of friends, and therefore the need to create new bonds. What are some good ways to make new friends in adulthood?

Understand the role of technology. Social media is valuable as a way of establishing connections with potential friends.

However, it doesn’t confer the same sense of belonging as meeting up in person. Using the internet as a safe starting point, meet with someone you value – in a public space, if it’s someone new – at least once a week.

When you meet someone new, ask questions and listen carefully. This will help you get to know them better and decide if the friendship has longer term potential. Furthermore, you’ll be perceived as likeable, because genuine attention is always gratefully received.

If you’ve enjoyed meeting someone, let them know you valued your time with them.

Emails and texts are easy. Instead, send a handwritten message expressing your appreciation. You could also use it as an opportunity to suggest another time to get together.