Lessons from a Victorian parenting manual
As a couple seek a ‘Victorian nanny’ to raise their son in the oldfashioned way, Anna Tyzack consults an 1880s manual for advice
Any parent battling to get their child to eat their greens, stay off screens and go to sleep at a respectable time will know the merits of a strict nanny. Yet one couple from Ascot is taking authority to a new level – they’re seeking a Victorian nanny to bring up their child.
In an advert placed on childcare. co.uk, they hope to find a live-in candidate who will raise their seven-year-old son in “the Victorian way” – to speak the Queen’s English, to read history books and learn arithmetic, and to “act properly at all times”. There is to be no screen time, no affection (other than shaking hands and a kiss on the head at bedtime “if necessary”), and the little boy must wear his best clothes until bedtime. It’s got to be a wind-up, right?
Yet the cold-hearted Victorians did speak some sense when it came to parenting. They were passionate educationalists and vehemently promoted the family unit. The 1880s edition of Cassell’s Household Guide
– and, in particular, the chapter on “The Rearing and Management of Children” – is filled with practical advice that is as useful now as it was in the 19th century: “Overindulgence is the stumbling block of life.”
When asked to explain their penchant for a Victorian childhood, the parents who placed the ad – but, for obvious reasons, wish to remain anonymous – maintained that the Victorian style of parenting helps create well-rounded, respectable and polite young people, who go on to become successful adults. “We’d like him to spend his time becoming the best version of himself, and growing into a respectable young man. He doesn’t need a gaming addiction, like other children his age seem to have, to distract him from that.”
In contrast to their archaic values, which require their son to play only with board games and wooden toys for an hour a day and “be seen and not heard”, the terms of their nanny contract are decidedly modern: the successful candidate will earn around £55,000 per year and be entitled to 25 days’ holiday.
There can be no doubt that many Victorian principles are cruel – they invented the asylum, after all – and others totally outdated (sponging off newborn babies with brandy). But maybe the time has come to look back to our forebears for some advice.
Here, then, we seek to find a middle ground between Cassell’s starchy Victorian authority and today’s pushover parenting.
Preparing for parenthood
The general consensus these days is that a healthy woman can continue to exercise conservatively throughout pregnancy – a view that was largely shared by the Victorians, who warned only against lifting heavy weights, taking long walks, stooping for many hours over a washtub and (curiously) raising the hands above the head. They also shared the modern view that you must eat healthily during pregnancy, and in moderation.
After the birth, they were all about mums putting their feet up, accusing those who rushed back to their daily tasks of “bravado”.
New mothers should have an “after-repose” of at least two weeks, states Cassell’s guide, and “twice that time will be twice as well”. A lesson to all those modern mums who compete to get back into their size-8 jeans.
Breastfeeding
Baby bottles were already available in the 19th century, but the Victorians were the original Breastapo, regarding breastfeeding as one of the highest instincts of human nature. “The most suitable food for infants is that of Nature’s own providing – mothers’ milk,” states Cassell’s. Bottles, the guide complains, require too much energy from the baby and the contents get cold. “And cold food always gives an infant wind, and causes it to torment the mother by a fit of crying.”
The Victorians did concede that a nursing mother can drink a glass of porter or ale – the NHS advises no alcohol at all during breastfeeding – and recommended that mothers feed for nine months, whereas the World Health Organisation suggests they continue until their child is two.
Routine
In insisting that a baby will derive better nourishment, and a mother regain more strength, from slightly longer intervals between feeds, Cassell’s is a precursor to Gina Ford, the controversial baby routine expert. The guide urges mothers not to feed their child on the first cry, but to look for other irritations, including cold feet, wet linen or fleas. By the time a baby is three months, it should be able to sleep between its last night feed, when the mother goes to bed, and 5am or 6am, which correlates with Ford. This is in stark contrast with the NHS, which is opposed to routines, advising mothers to feed their babies on demand for the first few weeks.
Sleep
All children require 12 hours sleep a night in a darkened room, according to Victorian wisdom, and those aged four and under should have a midday nap. “Wakefulness is generally caused by over-fatigue and excitement, and is a positively painful state to the sensitive organism of a young child,” the guide explains. If a child is reluctant to sleep, then Cassell’s recommends a few picture books and
toys in their bed, or pretending to hush a doll to sleep – ruses that parents are still using today.
Diet
The varied diet of meat and vegetables recommended by Victorian parenting experts, with meals such as minced beef and mash, is not dissimilar to that suggested by NHS nutritionists today. Victorian children were taught to eat slowly, with good table manners, eating everything on their plate – although portions would have been smaller.
Cassell’s, as per modern parenting expert Kathryn Mewes, advocates a dessert every day, such as a milky rice pudding or treacle sponge, as something to look forward to at the end of a meal, but rules out sweets and chocolate. “If children were left to their own choice, they would be eating and drinking perpetually of whatever came in their way… and before long, depraved tastes would be confirmed.”
The nursery
“A large room full of furniture is less healthy than a small one scantily fitted-up,” the guide opines, recommending whitewashed walls, plain chintz curtains and a single hamper for toys. “Inmates” slept in large wicker cradles until they were three and could move into a bed, and if they couldn’t sleep, they would be exercised vigorously in a cold room before being tucked back up.
Exercise
The Victorians understood the benefits of getting children out into the fresh air. They also knew, however, that children quickly start moaning on a walk, and thus advised the walk to be secondary to a game of horses or chase. They also encouraged youngsters to develop their muscles using a Ranelagh, an apparatus akin to a Pilates band.
Discipline
Victorian parents didn’t shy away from the word “no”, and they taught their children the difference between right and wrong, true and false. Parents were encouraged not to spoil them or give in to them. “It is by withholding or granting things coveted that the ruling influence of the mother’s mind is most forcibly felt,” Cassell’s states.
“If the word ‘no’ is ignored, the object in question should be forcibly removed.”
Yet the Victorians were sympathetic
– the guide insists that whenever a child has done wrong, he or she should be freely forgiven by their parents.