Raab enjoys a marathon 10-second honeymoon in his new Brexit post

Aproud moment for Dominic Raab. Yesterday afternoon, he rose to make his first statement to the Commons as Brexit Secretary. How did he get on? Well… the first five to 10 seconds seemed to go all right. But after that, I’m afraid, things went sharply downhill.

“Mr Speaker,” he trumpeted. “Today we publish the Government’s White Paper on the UK’S future relationship with the EU. It is a new and detailed proposal for a principled, pragmatic and —”

The rest of his sentence was drowned out by Opposition MPS. “WHERE IS IT?” they bellowed. There had, it seemed, been a slight organisational oversight.

Mr Raab had invited MPS to question him on the nuances of the Prime Minister’s newly published plan for Brexit. Unfortunately, however, it was somewhat difficult for them to do this, given that he hadn’t supplied anyone with a copy of it.

Falteringly, Mr Raab said that one copy had been placed in the Commons library.

“But we’re not IN the library!” snapped one MP, amid the exasperated din.

“We’re in HERE! With YOU!” Manfully Mr Raab attempted to resume his statement, but it was no use. MPS weren’t listening. Instead they were all pointing up at the press gallery.

“THEY’VE had it!” they shouted. This was true. The Brexit Department had permitted journalists

‘The House had been arguing about the absence of the thing it was supposed to be arguing about’

to see copies of the White Paper at nine in the morning. It was now five to one in the afternoon.

The Speaker, John Bercow, demanded to know what on earth was going on.

“The White Paper should have been made available, and it will be,” promised Mr Raab, meekly.

MPS fumed. By now, the House had been arguing for three solid minutes about the absence of the thing it was supposed to be arguing about. Following a whisper from an official, the Speaker announced that copies had somehow turned up after all, and could be collected from the vote office.

A number of MPS scuttled crossly from the chamber – before returning laden with cardboard boxes, from which they handed out copies of the elusive document.

As the Commons grumbled, grizzled and began reading, poor Mr Raab hauled himself upright, and once again attempted to resume his statement – only to be shushed again by the Speaker. It was no good trying to talk while everyone was reading, said Mr Bercow. He would give them… five minutes.

Five minutes? MPS protested. The White Paper was 104 pages long! How were they supposed to question the minister about a document they’d barely skimmed?

The Speaker sighed. No, no, they’d taken up quite enough time as it was. They were just going to have to get on with it.

This has been a depressing week for supporters of Brexit. And I wouldn’t want to dishearten anyone further but put it like this. We’ve asked the Government to enact the most complex constitutional change in modern British history. And they can barely even manage the photocopying.