Sorry to butt in, but I think we should join the ‘save water’ mob

Ilike big butts and I cannot lie. Have you got one? If not, the neighbours will start whispering; they might even shop you to the authorities. I’m talking, of course, about water butts. The industry watchdog Ofwat has told us to turn off the tap and stop pouring drinking water down the drain via the herbaceous border and wasteful car-washing.

Instead, we should be recycling our bath water and collecting rainwater. Hence the need for that big butt.

Now that this First World indulgence has been pointed out, it seems so obvious. But that’s been the uncomfortable learning curve of late.

Remember how someone (Of plastic?) pointed out we should bring our own shopping bags to the supermarket? We felt piqued and inconvenienced initially and now it works really well and we find ourselves casting judgmental looks at the people who forget to bring theirs.

Then we were scolded for using disposable coffee cups and weren’t best pleased. Now we feel ultra-smug presenting our own reusable mugs at Costa, no least because that bamboo eco-travel version gets a nod of approval from the hipster barista.

And now we (quite rightly) stand accused of squandering a precious human resource – clean, safe drinking water – on wilting petunias and dehydrated hydrangeas.

Truth be told, I feel quite embarrassed that this hasn’t occurred to me before. So I am pausing at this paragraph and going off to research water butts...

Hurrah! I’ve ordered a Sankey water butt Beehive. At 150 litres, it’s not the biggest, but it really looks like a beehive! It’s made of recycled materials and the terracotta finish makes it appear ceramic. It’s £49.99 from Amazon. Yes, I know, I’m killing the high street with every click, but I can only cope with one moral quandary at a time. It arrives tomorrow and I shall rope the children into doing a rain dance. So if the weekend’s a washout, feel free to blame me – and my lovely big butt.