It’s France that’s on the brink
The grass is looking greener on this side of the Channel, finds Joe Shute
Britain is in meltdown. Our politicians have given up botching Brexit and fled Parliament until September, crops are wilting, sun cream is running out, a plague of jellyfish has washed up on the Kent sands and, by tomorrow, it’s due to top 98F. Oh, and we didn’t win the World Cup – although no hard feelings, obviously.
And yet, compared to the turbulence across the Channel, our troubled isle suddenly appears to be in a state of comparative bliss. Those preparing to head off on their summer holidays should beware, for la belle France is currently looking flakier than a pain au chocolat.
The Tour de Farce
While rowdy spectators and protests are an annual feature of the tour, this year has taken things to the extreme. Reigning champion Chris Froome has been shoved, punched, spat at and doused in unknown liquid as he has navigated the Alps, with French supporters apparently enraged that a doping investigation into the British rider concluded he had no case to answer on the eve of the tour.
During Stage 16 this week, the entire peloton ground to a halt for 11 minutes as farmers blocked the route with hay bales between Carcassonne and Bagnères-de-luchon in southwestern France, in protest at their perceived treatment by the ministry of agriculture. Froome, his British team-mate in the yellow jersey Geraint Thomas, and other leading riders were left washing their eyes out after police marched in to douse the blockade with pepper spray – and accidentally nobbled the peloton instead. Team Sky rider Gianni Moscon has also been kicked off the tour after striking a fellow cyclist: at this rate, it is unclear whether any of them will actually make it to the finish line in Paris on Sunday.
All the president’s men
The French political scandal of the summer pales even the most devious Tory plot against Theresa May. To wit: Alexandre Benalla, Emmanuel Macron’s bodyguard, presidential aide and a member of his inner circle, has been indicted with “gang violence” and impersonating a police officer after he dressed up in riot gear to attack demonstrators at a May Day protest. Imagine, if you will, a key British Brexit negotiator going undercover to bash some heads in at a Free Tommy Robinson rally – just not something that should be happening, whatever side of the Channel you’re on. Macron broke his silence over the affair this week, saying: “I alone bear responsibility. They can come and get me. I answer to the French people.”
World Cup carnage
OK, perhaps it sounds like sour grapes, but no sooner had Paul Pogba hoisted the World Cup trophy aloft than riots broke out across France. On the night of the final, a total of 292 people were placed in custody, according to the interior ministry. The most violent disturbances took place in Paris, where 102 people were arrested, with 92 put in cells. Imagine what would have happened if Les Bleus had lost.
Strikes
Another Gallic holiday perennial. French air traffic controllers have staged so many strikes this year that four European airlines, including Ryanair, easyjet and IAG, the owner of BA and Iberia, are submitting a complaint to the European Commission, claiming France is breaking EU law. As for their train network, it makes our timetable travails seem like child’s play: since April, workers at national operator SNCF have been conducting the longest train strike in more than 30 years, protesting against planned reform. Perhaps, given he is on holiday, Chris Grayling might like to offer up his services?
Pas de vin?
And now for things to get really bad. First Bordeaux announced that last year was its worst wine harvest since 1945, with production falling 40per cent due to severe frost sapping yields. Now, collective panic appears to have set in over a supposed rosé shortage due to last year’s bad weather and rising global demand. At this rate, Pastis will be the only thing left on supermarket shelves.
Cheesed off
And to top it all, France can no longer even lay claim to a monopoly on fromage. Earlier this year a Canadian version of camembert, the soft creamy cheese native to Normandy, trumped its French rivals at the World Championship Cheese Contest. “How can it be?” lamented the Ouest-france newspaper. The Journal du Dimanche newspaper, meanwhile, described the result as “a humiliation for France”. Enough said.