Barbarous and brainless, would-be assassins give PM a new lease of life

Whoever these anonymous Tory MPS are, they’re not just unpleasant, but dim. The imagery they used was bad enough. “The moment is coming when the knife is heated, stuck in [Theresa May’s] front and twisted – she’ll be dead soon,” leered one anonymous Tory. “Assassination is in the air,” drooled another. “She should bring her own noose to [a meeting of Tory MPS],” slobbered a third.

Strange, strange creatures. And brainless, too, because their bloodthirsty weirdness appears, if anything, to have bought their prospective victim more time.

Yesterday the Prime Minister entered the Commons for what should have been a daunting confrontation. She had to make a statement about last week’s dispiriting Brexit talks with the EU, and face the music. Not fun. And yet she more or less strolled through it

– in part because Brexiteers had been hampered by the attacks on her.

Several Brexiteers evidently decided they had little choice but to preface their questions with a condemnation of their anonymous colleagues. Perhaps they did it purely out of principle. Perhaps they did it to discourage anyone from thinking that they’re all as odious as that. Or perhaps they did it to make clear that they themselves weren’t the ones who’d given the quotes. Whatever their motive, they denounced their unnamed allies in the strongest terms.

“The persons who directed violent language at my Right Honourable Friend have thoroughly disgraced themselves,” snapped Steve Baker (Con, Wycombe). “I very much hope they’re discovered, and that she’ll withdraw the whip from them.”

“May I join those who have condemned the violent language that has been used,” sighed Jacob Reesmogg (Con, NE Somerset). “I hold up my Right Honourable Friend as a role model. She is always courteous.”

“I believe most on these benches utterly condemn and regard with disdain the tone of some of the language used,” scowled Sir Roger Gale (Con, N Thanet).

Numerous other members said much the same. And it changed the atmosphere inside the chamber. Instead of anger at Mrs May, there was sympathy.

This isn’t to say she escaped without criticism. Peter Dowd (Lab, Bootle) noted Mrs May’s boast that 95 per cent of the Brexit withdrawal deal was complete. “May I remind her,” he said, “that the Titanic completed 95 per cent of its journey.”

As it turned out, Tory Remainers gave Mrs May a harder time than Tory Brexiteers did. Anna Soubry (Con, Broxtowe) said the Government was leading Britain into “a never-ending transition period to a destiny that is completely unknown, and over which we have no say”. No Brexiteer put it as bluntly as that.

It’s funny. Sometimes I think Mrs May could be ousted tomorrow. And other times I think that my greatgreat-grandchildren will awake to the news that Mrs May has just negotiated a 95th extra year for the transition period, and that anonymous Brexiteers have warned the press that they won’t stand for a 96th.