Sorry Mr Morris, we won’t be ‘moving on with our lives’ for quite a while

It was almost heartbreaking. John Mcdonnell, the shadow chancellor, had just started his speech about Theresa May’s Brexit deal when David Morris (Con, Morecambe & Lunesdale) begged leave to intervene.

“Would you consider please voting for this deal,” Mr Morris asked Mr Mcdonnell plaintively, “so we can all move on with our lives?”

God bless him. The poor man. He said it quietly, but with such feeling. And you know: maybe, when it comes to the crunch, it’s an approach the Prime Minister should consider. It does have a certain emotional appeal, and may well reflect the sentiments of many voters.

I can hear her closing speech already.

“Vote for my deal, and I promise, hand on heart, that we need never speak of this again. Ever. At long, long last, we’ll be free to talk about something else. Anything else. Strictly Come Dancing, Harry Redknapp, what Kate and Meghan REALLY think of each other. Anything. Anything at all. I don’t care. The point is: not Brexit. Please. Please?”

Admittedly this would be a little more frank than her usual style. And it would also be totally untrue, because, contrary to Mr Morris’s claim, voting for Mrs May’s deal would not enable MPS to “move on with their lives”. Instead, it would prompt another punishingly long round of negotiations with the EU, this time on trade.

Still: at this point, anything’s got to be worth a shot.

Yesterday’s debate was led by Philip Hammond, the Chancellor. His case for the deal wasn’t much more rousing than Mr Morris’s. Essentially, he presented it as damage limitation. All forms of Brexit carried an “economic cost”, he said – but at least Mrs May’s deal would “minimise” it.

It’s a funny thing. In his party conference speech after the referendum, I seem to recall, Mr Hammond said Leavers had not voted “to become poorer”. Apparently he meant: they did vote to become poorer, they just didn’t realise it.

The Chancellor concluded yesterday with a line of Mrs May’s. “The choice before this House is very simple,” he said. “It’s this deal, no deal, or no Brexit.”

The aim of this line is obvious. It’s intended as a threat. Remainers are meant to think, “I’d better vote for the deal, because I’m scared of no deal.” And Brexit purists are meant to think, “I’d better vote for the deal, because I’m scared of no Brexit.” But I wonder whether it’s occurred to Mrs May and Mr Hammond that it could easily have the opposite effect – with Remainers thinking, “Great! I’ll vote against the deal, because I want no Brexit,” and Brexit purists thinking, “Great! I’ll vote against the deal, because I want no deal.”

Well, we’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime: please, spare a thought for poor Mr Morris. Until you’ve sat through three whole days of a Commons debate on Brexit, you haven’t known true suffering.