THE NEW POSH V OLD POSH

NEW Eating bread

… but only if it’s artisanal sourdough or well fired, or recycled. Square of sliced white doesn’t count.

The North

The year 2018 will forever be known as that in which society accepted there is a world beyond the M25.

Sweden

Packed to the rafters with man bun-toting latte papas, Billy bookcases and hygge-friendly jumpers.

Having a job

Actually contributing to the economy, rather than using daylight hours to flit endlessly between yoga meets and brunch dates. How quaint!

Audiobooks

Like books, but hands-free. Inspired.

OLD

Elaborate gin and tonics

Life is short; too short to be faffing with dried juniper berries, a twist of lemon and cracked black pepper. Slosh the g in with the t and drink up, already.

ipads

Little more than toys for toddlers, these days.

France

Less sunny than other parts of Europe, and far more judgmental. Pass.

Trophy spouses

Stepford wives are out, women resembling actual humans are in. Isn’t equality exciting?

Dietary requirements

Unless they put you at risk of imminent death, a total bore. Just order the steak and be done.