If rape confuses you, think of it like a cuppa
What constitutes rape? It’s not a rhetorical question, I only wish it were. It has become frighteningly apparent that a vast swathe of the population simply doesn’t know.
It’s not just men either. Women also seem to have a very hazy notion of what their rights are; the right to accept a drink yet refuse sex, the right to change their mind once intimacy has started, the right to sleep in a bed with a partner without fear he will insist on sex against their wishes.
We are living in an age where the disconnect between social media campaigns and real life has never been greater. The Metoo movement may have empowered women in the workplace to speak out but it appears to have bypassed women down the pub, women on first dates, women at home.
I’m not sure which Yougov poll figure is more shocking – and there’s ample choice. A third of men – and 21 per cent of women – believe a woman who flirts on a date has no right to “cry rape” afterwards.
A third of men are convinced that a woman is not allowed to change her mind after sex has started and a quarter of men and women said that sex without consent in a long-term relationship isn’t rape – this, despite the fact that 90 per cent of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim.
The total number of rapes reported to police in England and Wales has almost doubled over the last five years, but the number of rape cases being brought to court in front of a jury has plummeted by 23.1 per cent to the lowest figure in a decade. It’s hardly surprising
given that one in 10 people think that a man having sex with a woman who is drunk or asleep isn’t, or probably isn’t, rape. Not sure I’d want any of them sitting on a jury.
For anyone still confused, there’s a fabulous guide to instigating sex using the metaphor of a cup of tea at consentiseverything.com. If you ask someone if they want a cuppa and they cry “Oh yes, I’m desperate!”, make the tea. If they say “No”, don’t make it. If they say “Yes”, then change their minds when you’ve made them tea, that can be a bit frustrating as you’ve wasted time and a tea bag. But if someone has gone off the idea of tea, that’s their prerogative and nobody in their right mind would dream of pouring tea down someone’s throat, would they?
Similarly, if they are unconscious, there’s no point asking if they want tea or giving them tea. Unconscious people never (ever) want tea.
Oh and by way of clarifying: even if someone usually likes tea, you must still ask them every time if they fancy a brew.
Thrusting the cup at them, shouting “But you wanted tea last night!” is every bit as illogical and stupid as it sounds.
There you have it; sexual consent, down to a tea. Frankly you have to laugh or else you’d cry.