Tory MPS sat like row after row of slowly deflating beach balls

One thing that does impress me about Theresa May. Her ability to keep a straight face. “People across the country,” she sternly informed MPS yesterday, “are saying, ‘Let’s get on with it’.”

Seriously. That’s what she told them. “Let’s get on with it.” Minutes – literally minutes – after announcing to the Commons that she was postponing the crucial vote on her Brexit deal. And after refusing to confirm when the vote would now go ahead.

Imagine you or I attempted to lecture others about the importance of “getting on with it”, while at the exact same time preventing them from doing so. We couldn’t do it, could we? We’d turn bright red, and break off mid-sentence to apologise.

But not Mrs May. She didn’t look remotely embarrassed. She just sailed straight on, seemingly oblivious to the dazzling absurdity, the awe-inspiring audacity, of what she’d just said.

I wonder how she does it. Practice, I suppose. Two and a half years of practice.

Before the Prime Minister arrived to make her statement, I’d expected Tory MPS to be livid with her.

Most of them, though, just looked depressed. There they sat, slumped in silence, like row after row of slowly deflating beach balls. Labour MPS, meanwhile, mostly laughed. Particularly when Mrs May said she’d “listened very carefully” to her critics.

Still, she plodded grimly onward, as she always does. With that preternaturally straight face of hers, she claimed that it was “clear” there was “broad support” for her deal (more laughter). But, she conceded, some MPS had raised “concerns” about the Irish backstop – and so she would now return to Brussels to seek the “reassurances” they required.

What she would do if she didn’t receive those “reassurances” she didn’t say. Announce that she’s going for a no-deal Brexit? Or beg MPS to vote for her deal as it stands anyway? No one knows. And very possibly she doesn’t, either. John Bercow, the Speaker, steamed with rage. To postpone the vote like this, he fumed, was “deeply discourteous”.

Mrs May didn’t look in the least perturbed. Mind you, I suppose you can see her thinking. After all, just a week earlier her Government had become the first in history to be found in contempt of Parliament. So, in for a penny, and all that.

The big question is: will this delay actually achieve anything? Mary Creagh (Lab, Wakefield) said it didn’t matter what “reassurances” Mrs May received. Her “zombie Brexit deal” would be voted down “whenever she decides to bring it back to this House. Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day …”

Now hang on just a minute. Christmas Day? Last month, Jacob Rees-mogg failed to persuade his colleagues to call for a change of leader.

But if Mrs May forces MPS to work on Christmas Day, he’ll have all the letters he needs in no time.