How could something this historic be so anti-climactic?

Well, what a waste of time that was. Five long, weary days of debate that absolutely everyone – including, surely, Theresa May herself – knew from the start would end in crushing defeat. In fact, they didn’t just know it five days ago; they knew it five weeks ago, when, for no good reason, the Prime Minister decided to delay it. It shouldn’t be possible for an event to be both historic and anticlimactic. But somehow Mrs May has defied the odds.

The fatuity of her five-week postponement was reflected in the standard of yesterday’s debate, which was a somnolent retread of the exact same arguments to which we’ve been subjected ad nauseam for the past two and a half years (in short: “We must respect the result from 2016” versus “But it’ll go very badly”). At least Tory Brexiteer Julian Lewis (New Forest East) had the decency to keep his speech brief: he rejected Mrs May’s deal in just 21 words. If everyone had followed his excellent example, we’d have been home and hosed in time for Countdown.

Even Geoffrey Cox, the booming ham of an Attorney General, struggled to dispel the torpor. Essentially his message was: no, the deal on offer wasn’t perfect, but it was the best we we’re going to get – and voting against it would unleash chaos. If you feel as if

‘MPS chatted amiably. There was no tension or sense of drama. No one expected any twists or shocks’

you’ve heard that one before: it was precisely the same case that David Cameron made for voting Remain.

The debate was wrapped up by Mrs May herself. Her speech had all the brio of a mouldy gym sock. “No alternative deal exists,” she scowled. She sounded as winningly persuasive as a mother snapping at her children to eat up their cabbage or go to bed hungry.

At last the time came to vote. A heavily pregnant Tulip Siddiq – the Labour MP who’d postponed her caesarean in order to participate – was seen being guided towards the lobbies in a wheelchair by Chuka Umunna (Lab, Streatham).

Back in the chamber MPS chatted amiably. There was no tension or sense of drama. No one expected any twists or shocks. It was as if Agatha Christie has allowed Miss Marple to solve the murder halfway through and spend the rest of the novel pottering about in the garden.

The eventual result, 432 votes to 202, was the biggest defeat for a government in a century. The cries of “Resign!” began immediately, and only grew louder while Mrs May tried to speak. The result, she complained – sounding a little petulant – “doesn’t tell us what the House does support”.

Still, she would announce the Government’s next move by Monday – unless, in the meantime, the Government had been toppled. Jeremy Corbyn accepted this challenge with snarling alacrity. A vote of no confidence will go ahead today.

Historic votes, it seems, are a bit like buses. You wait ages for one, and then two come along at once.