‘WHAT WE NEED IS A NOUVEAU MACHO MALE’

Last week I was on a first date with a rather dashing man. So far so normal, until he accidentally brushed my arm. “Gosh, I am so sorry,” he spluttered. Hang on a minute, I thought, isn’t that what you are supposed to do; the man makes an advance, and waits to see how you respond?

I am beginning to despair of the number of foppish wimps I have been dating over the last couple of years. There was the guy who started talking about his vulnerabilities, and told me he woke up every morning to a meditation app and a cup of matcha tea. Then there was the engineer with a body like a bricklayer who couldn’t wait to show me his latest manbag.

I am yearning for a manly clinch, a Hollywood kiss, a man who takes control. Even a few laddish jokes, and a bit of mansplaining beats this strange new unisex creature who has surrendered his masculinity to the bossy Metoo movement.

It is obvious that we need a new model. So I propose a sort of in-betweener – a nouveau macho male. Yes, I want a man who scrubs up well and doesn’t think that wearing three-day-old underpants is OK, but I don’t want a competitor in the bathroom who shares my moisturiser and hogs the mirror.

Men and women don’t create emotional closeness by being the same. It may sound unfashionable, but women want to be cherished, treated well. Opening a door, picking us up for a date, makes us feel special and secure – especially when we have spent all day breaking glass ceilings.