Party leaders’ blame game begins in a ping pong of pointlessness and a country sliding towards chaos

With just 70 days left until Brexit, the leaders of the two main parties are working round the clock to resolve the most crucial question of their careers. Namely, how to blame each other for the inevitable no-deal outcome.

Theresa May was first out of the blocks, using a televised statement on Wednesday night to blame Jeremy Corbyn for refusing to join cross-party talks. Yesterday, Mr Corbyn fought back, using a speech in Hastings to blame Mrs May for refusing to “take no-deal off the table”.

“I’m quite happy to talk,” sniffed the Labour leader. “But the starting point for any talks about Brexit must be that the threat of a disastrous no-deal outcome is ruled out. Take it off the table!”

The fan club clapped and honked. For some reason, Mr Corbyn did not trouble to enlighten his audience as to how exactly Mrs May could go about taking no-deal off the table. Such a demand would, after all, prove tricky. Because, under the terms of Article 50, no deal is the default outcome: if MPS haven’t agreed a deal by March 29, we automatically leave with no deal. In reality, the only way to rule it out would be to revoke Article 50.

‘There’s no real point to the talks anyway, given that none of the parties seems inclined to budge an inch’

Or in other words: to stop Brexit. As I say: Mr Corbyn didn’t mention that. This does not mean, of course, that he was being slippery or disingenuous. It may simply be that he hasn’t a clue what he’s talking about.

Then again, perhaps there’s no real point to the talks anyway, given that, so far at least, none of the invited parties seems inclined to budge an inch. Pro-remain parties want a second referendum, while the DUP – without whom Mrs May’s Government would have fallen this week – want a Brexit so hard you could smash diamonds with it. Mrs May herself is apparently refusing to back down on any of her own red lines (no single market, no customs union, no second referendum), making the exercise completely futile. And to think she’s the one who called these talks.

What aspect of her rejected deal is she actually offering to change? The size of the font?

So here we are. We have a Prime Minister who organises cross-party talks purely to make herself look good – so that when it all falls apart she can say, “I reached out to the other parties, but they still wouldn’t respect the will of the people!” And we have a Leader of the Opposition who either doesn’t understand his own demands or is cynically using any old excuse to keep away from the talks – so that he can gleefully watch the country slide toward no deal, blame Mrs May for the consequences, and then romp home in a snap election.

Politics is terrible. From now on, this column is going to be about knitting.