MODERN LIFE SHANE WATSON
It’s the low-key unforgivables, festering over time, that end marriages
News just in: the traditional January spike in divorce applications is off the scale, and it’s all because of Brexit. Leaver and Remainer couples are leaving each other in droves. Apparently.
According to one survey by the dating site eharmony, Brexit bust-ups were named as one of the biggest factors in breaking up with a partner since the 2016 referendum – with 1.6 million people saying that they had split up with a long-term partner or stopped seeing someone because of the arguments.
Really, though? Ending a relationship over Brexit? Or is this just a perfect excuse to jump ship? It’s so much easier to tell the family that your Remain principles clashed with his Leave than to explain that in 2009 he forgot to feed the fish when you were away, then they died, and you’ve never been able to trust him since. Politics might destroy friendships, it might divide families, but it’s the low-key unforgivables, festering over time, that end marriages.
So here are 10 red lines in relationships – according to our entirely non-scientific research.
One of you having a spiritual awakening This seems like a shallow sort of red line, but not if you’re the one who gets left behind. While the one on the spiritual quest is growing and finding themselves (good), their partner is forced to tag along like the sulky teenager. Definitely to be discouraged.
This happens all the time… Someone gets a lucky break and overnight they think they’ve had an upgrade and they need new clothes and a lot more attention. It’s not a red line itself, but it leads to some.
One of you liking someone whom the other one hates Doesn’t matter if this is an old school friend (that’s manageable), but if it’s a new best friend, and that person is obviously odious, uh-oh. You need to be not so much on the same page as in each other’s heads on the issue of who is and isn’t OK. And if your friends antennae is out, then how are you going to conduct the party post-mortem?
In fact, what’s the point of being married at all?
Any act of Save Me First
You may not have been in a major incident together – smoke started belching out of the back of the plane and he leapfrogged over you and made a run for it – but there are smaller signs. Running for the train in the rain with the only umbrella, for instance.
Being terribly close to their ex. Come on… Don’t inflict a hex on any future relationships by really, really caring about each other.
One of you loving David Bowie; the other one saying, when David Bowie plays, “Seventies, isn’t it?” Or one of you loving Elf and the other one not getting Elf. So many reasons why you’re never going to make it with a person who doesn’t love Elf. Money secrets. Anything other than transparency Trying to disguise the paying of another parking fine/missed dental appointment, not a red line. Remortgaging the house without mentioning it… Nee naw, nee naw.
A big lie, easily told
Like: “My flight was cancelled, so I can’t make it.” If you witness your partner lying easily and big, they’re absolutely lying to you, especially if they give you a “no harm done” wink and, what is more, they think you have given them permission. They are a lying machine.
Failing to hear you
Having no idea that you are in a full lockdown feud with a girl at work called Heather, that you fell off your bike and had to hobble home on a borrowed children’s scooter, or that you accidentally spent £300 on a pair of glasses and now can’t pick them up. No idea about any of it.
Not being there for you
We’re talking about being on the end of the phone for half an hour because you have non-specific neediness, or in the middle of the night when you need to talk about Easter. Too busy for this. That’s a red line.
Little red lines
All the no-nos that could trigger a bust-up in your relationship