Valentine’s Day is a test – but there’s still time to pass

DGet a card Get a present

last year), but don’t be getting us red satin undies, or jewels, or clothes (ooh no), that’s all too Pretty Woman, thanks all the same. Chocolates? Too Barbara Cartland. A mug with our name on it? Bit present for my personal assistant. It’s not really a time for presents, unless you have reason to be making a grand gesture, in which case, a night at The Pig hotel, how lovely! So long as it’s not this night. And, by the way, this is not the day to spring a gym membership on us.

Get flowers. Maybe Certainly better than furry handcuffs, but only if they’re nothing like the standard Valentine’s bunch, eg, long-stemmed red roses. Not lilies, either. Mainly because we’re allergic to lilies. The wrong bunch of flowers could slightly depress us, though the right one will be good, so…

Make dinner

That could be nice. Providing it’s not a largely chorizo-based paella. Or the risotto with cubes of ham.

Get some friends round at the last minute

This is a good plan, because it gives you something to do and confirms that it’s not just you two who aren’t curling up on each other’s knees, wearing matching cream polo necks. Also, the you-know-whos are bound to have a shouty fight, which is always a relationship fillip.

Happy Valentine’s.

The art of getting Valentine’s Day right

What to do (and not to do) to keep us happy ‘The day of flirty messages and roses is over… the day of proving emotional sensitivity has arrived’