The future is bright — if you can speak German
At last! Or as they say from Berlin to Bavaria, “Endlich Mal!” Nothing to do with our scary Hallowe’en Brexit, which is apparently being choreographed by the Grim Reaper, a zombie Jacob Rees-mogg and someone wearing a surprisingly realistic Amanda Holden face mask.
No, I am referring to the news that German has overtaken French as the most sought-after language among employers.
The future (well, my future, at any rate) is bright. You could in fact say it is orange, not least because orange is the same word in all three languages. But unless you can follow that up with faultless declension, a smattering of subordinate clauses and a zinger of a verb right at the end, you will nicht get ze job.
I might, however, because I have a tippety-top degree in German. Ask me anything! No, go on.
How about this: Judith, why were you not asked to become Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union? To which I would reply: “Ich habe keine Idee.”
Admittedly, I may not speak the lingo of diplomacy but at
least I could order everyone a Weissbier, which is probably more useful in late-night discussions.
Learning a language isn’t just about tense and vocabulary. It’s as much about understanding a nation through its literature and social values, humour and idiosyncrasies.
Does Stephen Barclay know the hilarious joke about the German, the Austrian and the Swiss who climb a mountain with buckets to catch snails? I think not.
Had David Davis been more au fait with the European mindset he might have been a little less useless in Brussels.
The Germans just want to be loved. The French just want to be respected. Think on it: does
that snippet not explain a lot?
Or what about the exasperated nickname for the UK’S entitled style of negotiation? Not just in relation to Brexit, but in all dealings, we are apparently notorious for demanding “die Extrawurst”. Literally, it means the extra sausage a mother might preferentially give her (already well-upholstered) growing child because they are special.
Figuratively, it pops up regularly in German media discussions of the role Britain has played in the EU. We want to resolve every issue with an Extrawurst, a unique concession, because we too are special. And greedy. Which may be true, of course, and quite exasperating to deal with, I should imagine.
Post-brexit Britain will need to make friends and influence people across the planet. I’m not sure pointing, gesticulating at Google translate, and speaking loudly is going to secure us many trade deals.
Official figures show that about 3,000 students sat German A-levels in 2018, a drop of 16 per cent on the previous year and a 45 per cent slump since 2010.
French remains the most popular foreign language, although numbers have fallen from about 14,000 in 2010 to just under 9,000 last year. Mandarin is booming.
But many more youngsters will need to study languages as well as technik if we are to achieve any sort of vorsprung in Europe and beyond.