Thirty-one life skills every mother must teach her son
The trouble with sons of mothers Thirtyone life skills that every man should have by 18
Something all mothers of sons worry about (or stepmothers of stepsons, in my case) are the life skills that we should have passed on by the time they’re 18. We think about this at various junctures through the years, usually during a crisis (“What do you mean: ‘I think I’ve smashed the smoke alarm’?”), but particularly now, during
Love Island season, when every night we are rendered speechless by the shortfall in some of the male contestants’ basic life skills.
This week, the scariest reveal has been that Tommy Fury (below) had reached the age of 20 without knowing how to make a cup of tea. No clue, not even when presented with a tea bag, a mug and a kettle. From this, we can reasonably deduce that he also can’t make a piece of toast – tea being easier. (It is frightening when you think how far down the domestic skill set the making of a single cup of tea comes. The only one lower is getting a glass of water from the tap.)
Anyway, every once in a while – usually during Love
Island season, sometimes when a footballer slips up in an interview – we have reason to reflect on the non-negotiable life skills every young man needs, and this has really spurred us into action. Mrs Fury, we’re talking to you (and Mr Fury obviously) – our sons must be able to:
Talk to a girl without looking at her breasts
Shave – including all the fluffy bits and the one-off long hairs – without taking chunks out of their face
Have a holiday job, and not just a helping out in Mum’s friend’s boutique, sitting around sipping a latte sort of job; a job that involves graft and them not caring about you catching the early train to get to Jimmy’s birthday weekend
Work out what is and isn’t appropriate TV viewing/ conversation for a mixed-age group (eg, not Peep Show)
Find their
way around computers/ technology
Recognise that remaining lying down when someone other than a member of their family enters the room may feel natural, but looks rude
Be able to have a drink or two without being sick
Be capable of not using the word “like” as punctuation, if necessary
Appreciate that while they could leave a Coke stain to soak into the rug, because the rug is sort of Cokecoloured, it will in time be discovered and then they’ll regret it
Lose a game without sulking/punching something or someone Be capable of scrubbing up Have a signature dish Know how to wash up, and not leave everything cocooned in foam
Get on and off a plane Iron a shirt
Make conversation with someone 30 years older
Take care of a small child for half an hour
Buy a present that isn’t either a paperback they want, or a letter opener they bought at the airport
Defend their voting intention to a hostile audience
Swim Understand the point of changing their bed sheets
Be pleased their girlfriends are better than them at history, reversing a trailer and surfing, but equally be prepared to walk them to the bus stop and lend them their coat if it’s raining (1. feminist, 2. good manners)
Lay a table
Look after a dog Brush their teeth morning
and night Understand that, however many people they have to stay, unexpectedly, when they have a “free house”, no one sleeps in their parents’ bed
Appreciate that once a year they need to spend a week in Cornwall with their family, playing Scrabble while waiting for the rain to stop
Understand that they may try to explain the world to their grandfather, but they are better off listening Follow the news
Be kind
Tie a bow tie (well, we can but dream).