Things I probably shouldn’t wear in my fifties (but do)
Long ago, in another job, I was often asked to write hectoring pieces about what a woman couldn’t wear in her 30s/40s/50s/blah/blah. Following my eureka moment this week in Oliver Bonas when I popped in to buy a birthday card, forgot to buy the birthday card but emerged with a lovely polka dot bow hairband (the ones that look as though you’re incredibly skilled with silk scarves and make you feel like Paula Yates), I offer this as a corrective: all the things you may have thought you couldn’t wear anymore, but can. Ageappropriate be damned.
Bow bands
You’re not Paula Yates. You’re not a Forties showgirl with ostentatious cheekbones. You’re not seven. Doesn’t matter. Bow bands are brilliant at covering up grey. If only I’d known when I cancelled my appointment at George Northwood two days before going on holiday on the grounds that I didn’t have time and anyway, who on holiday would judge? Answer: quite a lot of people, including myself. I got heartily sick of those roots every time I looked in the mirror. There’s only so much Colour Wow you can brush on every morning, only to see it wash off in first dip of the day. The bow band would have been perfect. As it is, it’s keeping the holiday dream alive, accentuating my cheekbones and rapidly becoming the sun around which all the other planets in my wardrobe revolve.
Barbie pink
A bilious colour that you grew out of when you were four. But shift along the Pantone chart a millimetre or two and you arrive at
Power Pink; the colour of Gaga’s all conquering galleon-frock at this year’s Met ball, of
Trumpdefying, women’s soccer player
Megan Rapinoe’s hair and a backbone of
Michelle Obama’s wardrobe. Pink is the navy of 2019 (see Kate Moss, right). Plus it looks better with navy than navy would and if it has a diaphanously murderous Villanelle undertow, so much the better (big underwear is key here).
Raffia bags
I was given a red one when I was seven, which tells you a lot about the status of red raffia bags in the late Sixties. Raffia bags were for children. Or Italians. Then lo: Loewe gets with my raffia programme although given that its raffia Bunny Bag costs £595, you may have to settle for one from Mango
(£25.99).
Multiple earring piercings
The arguments against: you are not your daughter (actually she’s only got the two piercings). Your punk days are a distant and wobbly memory (you were more of a New Romantic, to be honest). The upkeep is monstrous and you become a slave to the TCP. But how lovely is a lobe full of asymmetrically arranged twinkles? And how good does it feel to abandon those heavy dangly things that drag your lobes down and make you look 107 in ear-years? BTW, from here it’s but a short hop to an ankle chain. Cankles? A charm anklet could be the perfect decoy.
Florals
There comes a point on every woman’s style journey when she must accept that florals are tipping her into Bo Peep territory. I don’t know quite when that is however, because these Essentiels-antwerp boots are beyond joyous.
Sparkly make-up
OK, not sparkly exactly. And environmentallyfriendly, so no plastic-y bits. Not overtly glittery, because that will end up in your cleavage. We’re talking shimmer, subtle and blend, blend, blend. Try Guerlain’s lovely Electric Look palette (£64, feelunique.com) or Anastasia Beverly Hills mega palettes, which can be applied wet or dry and layered for extra intensity (from £46, cultbeauty.co.uk). Or sit tight for the launch of Victoria Beckham’s Lustre eye-kit this Autumn, part of her new “clean” beauty range. I’ve seen them and if I could, would have walked out with the lot.
Weird shoes
Shoes maketh the outfit. Hair defines the attitude. Ergo, if you’re wearing something classic – most of us do and nothing wrong with that – then the shoes must be standout but comfy, and therein my friends, lies the challenge. Look for load-bearing block heels and a non-pointy toe.
Spend more money than you ever imagined having when you were 18 on your shoes and hair (you’ll be saving money on all those classic clothes you can wear from year to year). Chiconomics in a nutshell.
White dresses
Like a Virgin dresses so white, so demure, you might have thought them only good for a Kate Greenaway illustration. But with rugged brown accessories and a strong red lipstick they’re ageless and so flattering on the complexion. If you can flash some glimpses of luxurious, contouring lingerie underneath, so much the better.