Resist Facebook exam boasting, parents urged
Online bragging can affect the mental health of less fortunate classmates, warns Good Schools Guide
PARENTS should resist the urge to brag about their children’s exam results on social media, according to the Good Schools Guide.
It can be “devastating” for students to see their classmates’ grades paraded online, particularly if they are feeling underwhelmed with their own results, said Elizabeth Coatman, a consultant at the guide. Her advice came as thousands of students prepared to receive their GCSE results on Thursday.
Although it might be “pretty hard to resist” she urged parents to lead by example and not “show off” on platforms like Twitter and Facebook.
“Given that young people invest a huge amount of effort in revising for their exams, if they get disappointing results it can be devastating,” she told The Daily Telegraph. “It’s not a good idea to emphasise success because it is very demoralising for other children who might have worked equally hard but got worse results.”
Ms Coatman said exam results can affect children’s mental health if they feel disappointed with their grades. “We are much more aware about the impact on mental health of exam pressure,” she said. “You invest so much effort in revision and then fret about the results. You do build things up and that can be a little bit risky.”
Nine in 10 heads agreed that the new, tougher GCSES had affected teenagers, triggering panic attacks, sleepless nights, self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
The reformed qualifications caused greater anxiety than their predecessors, according to a survey of head teachers by the Association of School and College Leaders last year.
Geoff Barton, of the ASCL, said exams were by nature stressful but the reformed GCSES had pushed levels to “unhealthy and demoralising” for both students and teachers.
The revamped GCSES were created by Michael Gove when he was education secretary to inject rigour into the tests and bring the UK in line with top performing countries in the Far East.
The exams now have numerical grades designed to separate the very highest achievers. The old A* grade is split between grades 8 and 9. There is also less course work and students take exams at the end of two-year courses.
Ms Coatman said social media boasting had become the new “round robin” Christmas, where parents would summarise their children’s achievements. She said it was now worse, as achievements were put on public display.
An education department spokesman said: “We know exam season can be a time of heightened emotions for pupils who want to do their best … we trust schools to make sure pupils get the help and support they need.”
Scrolling through my social media, the words “Dubai here we come! Roll on Thursday!” sprung out from a friend’s page. It struck me as odd, going away so late in the holidays, but then the significance of Thursday registered: GCSE results day. My pal was doing what many consider the norm these days – preparing to celebrate exam results with all the lavishness of a milestone birthday or wedding.
Most parents I know are booking the day off work at the very least. The majority are having extended family over for dinner, or a special meal out. There are garden parties planned with marquees and bunting, and I’ve seen requests for bakers to produce exam-themed cakes.
And me? Well, I will be going with my son Will to collect his results on Thursday morning, but beyond that, nothing. I might make something a bit more special for our dinner, and obviously my congratulations (or commiserations) will be laid on thick. But I refuse to turn my son’s results into a festival of excess, built on how much money I can spend. And I certainly won’t be parading him or his results on Facebook.
It’s no secret that having children provides all manner of opportunities to stealthily boast about everything from your newborn’s sleeping prowess, to how your seven-year-old will only eat broccoli. However, as the mother of a 16 year-old, I was glad to be at the stage where most of the parents I know were over child-related humble e bragging and more likely to be showing owing off about their own gym regimes, new cars, or exotic holidays without the kids.
Then exam time came, ame, and good Lord, the ante nte was upped. Suddenly y it was wall-to-wall “hashtag dedicated” pictures of kids poring ng over their revision notes, otes, updates about every exam, and now, “nail-biting” g” and
“x more sleeps” posts counting down to results day.
It became so tedious that I muted a few friends, and even removed myself from a Whatsapp group. An overreaction perhaps, but I know I’m not alone in finding it all a bit much.
“Is Sarah’s daughter the only child taking exams?” one pal messaged me, as a mother we know shared daily updates of her offspring’s revision schedule, with photos of superfood smoothies she was forcing down her to apparently boost her brainpower.
“Do you think Claire is OK?” another mum asked, as a mutual friend cancelled all social engagements claiming she couldn’t “take her eyes off the ball” during the exam period and leave her son home alone. What she expected her very studious and acade academic boy to get up to if she popped out to t a yoga class or book club, G God only knows. Of co course, she shared the ac acts of martyrdom on Fa Facebook, alongside the hashtags “devoted moth mother” and “exam stress” stress”.
I then saw parents mark their y youngsters’ final exams with an expensive treat – I know (through Faceb Facebook, naturally) of at least o one A-level student who ca came home to find a new car on the driveway. (“Will they take it back if his grades are rubbish?” queried my son) While the mum of a Year 11 girl we know whisked her daughter and three friends away for an “end of exams girls’ week” on a Greek island, a grinning picture of them around the pool with a bottle of champagne appearing on Facebook seemingly before they’d even had time to unpack. “They’re not old enough to be drinking,” was my very unimpressed son’s response.
Perhaps I’m a bit “hands off ” about it all, thanks to my own experience. Back in August 1989, my parents didn’t even ask what I’d got when the brown envelope dropped on the doormat. In fact, the postman was more interested in my results than my family. And as for celebrations... I think my best friend and I shared a few illicit cans of beer in the local churchyard.
And while all this very over the top celebrating doesn’t sit well with me, it did momentarily leave me wondering if I should be pushing the boat – or the credit card – out on Thursday?
I got my answer last night, when I saw yet another parent posting about their plans (a celebratory weekend in Paris). Will’s reply when I asked if he was disappointed we weren’t having a party or a trip away convinced me my attitude was right: “No way,” he said. “All my friends just want their parents to butt out. The fuss is embarrassing. Especially when they put it online.”
And looking at my computer screen, he gave a hollow laugh. “Finn is dreading Paris – he’s hoping his results are so bad they get him out of going.”