Gove the butler stays calm amid European chaos

It’s all very strange. One moment, a mysterious “Downing Street source” is ranting about the imminent collapse of Brexit negotiations, and muttering dark threats to EU states. The next moment, Michael Gove is standing up in the Commons, acting as if all is well, and there isn’t a cloud in the sky.

“It’s the strong desire of this Government to leave the European Union with a deal,” Mr Gove told MPS pleasantly yesterday. “If the EU moves, there is still every chance we can leave with a deal … We remain committed to working with Germany and other EU governments to find a deal, and I’m sure we can find a way through …”

Given the extraordinary ructions earlier in the day, involving Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel and Donald Tusk, Mr Gove’s manner was almost head-spinningly serene. But then, we should probably be used to it by now.

He’s always like this. No matter how grave the crisis, Mr Gove remains smoothly, even eerily, imperturbable. In this, and many other ways, he’s less like a politician, more like an Edwardian butler.

Just watch him, any time he faces the Commons. The way he talks, the way he looks, even the way he moves: it’s all pure butler. The extravagant courtesy. The polysyllabic prolixity. The immaculate elocution.

And those eyebrows, always raised solicitously, to indicate his eagerness to attend to the every need and whim of these honourable ladies and gentlemen. Gove the butler, ma’am, ever endeavouring to give satisfaction.

And that’s exactly how he behaved yesterday, as he updated the Commons on preparations for Brexit. Sir Keir Starmer, the shadow Brexit secretary, accused him of complacency. Hilary Benn, chairman of the Brexit select committee, said his statement bore “only a passing relationship to reality”.

Gove the butler responded with Jeevesian equanimity. “I’m grateful as ever for the thoughtful tone in which the right honourable gentleman asks his questions … I entirely appreciate the force of the case that the honourable gentleman makes …”

His composure seemed either heroic, or delusional. During the referendum campaign, he declared that, the day after a Leave victory, Britain would “hold all the cards”, and could “choose the path we want”.

Nothing since, apparently, has changed his mind. Yesterday, he remained immutably sanguine. The Commons, he said soothingly, should ignore any “noises off ”, and “keep our eyes on the prize – which is a deal with the European Union”.

I’m not sure every MP shared his optimism. Some, I suspect, fear that the only prize we’re on course to win is the Darwin Award.