Fantasy could become reality if the Lib Dems repeat it often enough

Jo Swinson could be prime minister. Jo Swinson could be prime minister. Jo Swinson could be prime minister. Jo Swinson could be prime minister.

Is it working? Do you believe it yet? No? Oh well. Give it another couple of weeks, and see how you feel. Because, no matter how improbable it may sound, the Lib Dems are going to keep on saying it to you. Over and over and over again.

Their logic, apparently, can be summarised as follows. There have always been lots of voters out there who agree with what we say. But because they think we can’t win, they don’t vote for us. And because they don’t vote for us, we don’t win. Whereas if they thought we could win… we actually could win!

Which is why the Lib Dems keep insisting that their leader can be prime minister. They’re practically chanting it like some magical incantation. If people hear it enough times, the party’s strategists have decided, maybe they’ll think it’s true.

Of course, it isn’t guaranteed to work. In which case, the Lib Dems are planning to go door to door with a pocket watch, and try hypnotising everyone instead. “Good morning, madam. You are feeling sleepy... Very, very sleepy… You’re under. When you wake up, you will believe that the Lib Dems are on course for a 200-seat landslide majority, and so a vote for a minor party like the Conservatives would be a wasted protest vote…”

Yesterday in London, Ms Swinson officially launched the Lib Dems’ election campaign. And, right from the start, she confidently declared herself to be a “candidate for prime minister”, and set out what her Lib Dem government “will” do. Her message was loud and clear. (Then again, her message always is loud and clear, because she’s one of those speakers who E-NUN-CI-ATE EV-RY SYLL-ABLE and PRO-JECT their VOICE to the BACK of the HALL, like the

NAR-RA-TOR in a SCHOOL PLAY.)

The most striking part of her speech, though, was the bit where she promised the public a “Remain bonus”. Stopping Brexit, she said, would give her Lib Dem government an extra “£50billion that we can spend on our public services… When we stop Brexit we will be able to use that Remain bonus… Every vote for the Liberal Democrats is a vote to stop Brexit and invest that £50billion...”

Remarkable. Remainers have endlessly deplored the tactics used by the Leave campaign in 2016 – but they must also have admired them, because now they’re ripping them off. Just as Brexiteers once promised to fund public services with a “Brexit dividend”, the Lib Dems are promising to fund public services with a “Remain bonus”.

Next thing you know, an enormous yellow bus will be gliding serenely along your high street – and emblazoned across its side, in vast white letters, will be the following slogan. “We spend £350million a week preparing for Brexit. Let’s fund our NHS instead.”