When did silly jokes become ‘micro-aggressions?’
I identify as one of the bewildered minority unable to get a handle on the whole agenda
Like all mothers trying to rear a couple of relentlessly woke Generation Z-ers, I am keen to avoid kitchentable confrontations and attendant door slammings.
So the truth is that, professionally, I’m happy to take on all comers. But, domestically, I am surrendered, cowed, at pains to eggshell my way through the conversational triggers that might set off my 17-year-old, in particular.
“Oh, be quiet, Tommy Robinson!” she will cry if I so much as touch upon any subject that could be remotely construed as controversial, however innocuous my observations about culture, colour, creed and, above all, the shifting sands of sexual identity.
“You people have no right to judge anyone after the terrible things you’ve done to the world” is another favourite, although I’m obviously not allowed to ask which terrible things she might be referring to, nor to which dreadful subsection of “you people” I belong.
But every so often, I can’t help opening my mouth because a situation is so bizarre, I am compelled to say something – if only to find out whether I’m genuinely out of touch, or if, in fact, I’m justified in concluding that the world has gone completely bonkers.
This time, it’s the 13-year-old schoolgirl known only as Miss A, who is suing Oxfordshire county council for its “Trans Inclusion Toolkit for Schools 2019”, which has been distributed to more than 300 places of learning.
Oh, and it’s not an actual toolkit. But I’m probably not allowed to make a silly joke about tools, as it might constitute an act of micro-aggression.
Anyway, I will put my hands up now and admit that if one of my daughters were in turmoil and transitioning from one gender to another, I’d be ferocious in their (see how I circumvented the pronoun thing?) defence. I’d be a tiger trans mother like you’ve never seen.
Similarly, if I were devoutly Christian, I might well feel honourbound to publicly state my objection to anything I perceived to be an attack on my belief system.
But I am in neither position. I have no proverbial skin in the game. I simply identify as one of the bewildered minority who aren’t bad people or even particularly narrow-minded people, but who still can’t quite get a handle on the whole non-binary, intersex, fluid gender agenda.
For the record: I don’t want to needlessly hurt any individual’s feelings, but nor am I prepared to stand by and witness common sense being trodden underfoot either by shrill minorities or self-seeking activists.
“Single-gender toilets can cause issues for children or young people who do not identify with a gender binary, such as boy-girl,” the advice states. “In all cases, trans children and young people should have access to the changing room that corresponds with their gender identity.”
Similarly, it adds, on residential trips, trans children and young people should be able to sleep in dorms appropriate to their gender identity.
The same applies to changing rooms and participation in sport – yes, boys identifying as girls should be allowed to play in girls’ teams and compete against them regardless of whether they have undergone treatment.
Is that fair? Is it right? Is it fair but not right? Right but not fair? Simply on the grounds of sporting equivalence, it seems wrong-headed; the whole gender divide in competition is a recognition of physical and physiological differences between biological males and females. But the vocal trans lobby, particularly in the US, will shut down anyone who says so.
In October last year, a mother of a high-school female athlete wrote an impassioned piece in the New York Post about how her rising-star daughter is among those being affected by a 2017 Connecticut state ruling that boys who subjectively identify as female could compete against girls.
“Since then, two biological boys have won 15 women’s track championships, titles held by nine different girls in 2016,” wrote Cheryl Radachowsky. “It is gut-wrenching to know that no matter how hard my daughter works to achieve her goals, she will lose athletic opportunities to a pernicious gender ideology. A biological boy’s subjective sense of his gender doesn’t cancel out his physical advantage over girls.”
To my knowledge, nobody has yet dared suggest the establishment of a transgender category, because that would be discriminatory against the few. Much better to be discriminatory against the many. Calling the situation Kafkaesque would probably offend someone – so I’m happy to go right ahead and describe it as Kafkaesque.
In normal circumstances, I consider myself to be if not the ultimate achingly liberal parent, then definitely on the spectrum. But my immediate response to that school toolkit is nope. Not gonna happen. Not on my watch with my girls. Or other mothers’ boys, for that matter.
As Miss A puts it: “The guidance makes me feel that my desire for privacy, dignity, safety and respect is wrong. It makes me feel sad, powerless and confused.” I’m with her. But my daughters disagree. The elder one, who attended a girls’ school, was entirely unfazed when someone in her year “became” a boy, changing his name and his appearance.
When I tentatively asked how everyone managed with the loo situation, she refused to tell me on principle. Rumour has it, he’s still living as a young man, but is now pregnant.
The 11-year-old shrugs; it’s none of her business. And even though I’m her mother, none of mine, either.
As I can’t countenance mixed-gender loos, maybe I really am a fuddy-duddy showing my age.
But I feel a battle is looming to preserve girls’ needs and safeguard their rights – if not inside the changing room, then outside in the sporting arena, where a level playing field is surely the only thing that matters.