‘After just a few days, the romance was back’
Jamie Mayer and Lucy Robertson, both divorced, have been together for four years. They have seven children between them and live in separate homes in Edinburgh.
Jamie, 42, investment manager and former Scotland rugby player
“At first, I was sceptical about Relish. I think I know myself and my partner pretty well: how could an app help our relationship? But having read and used the content, I have completely changed my mind. The main issue is that we have seven kids between us – I have two sets of teenage twins! This means that we haven’t (yet) moved in together and our time is stretched. There’s only a 40-minute drive between our homes, yet we often feel disconnected. The app had a task to help with this problem – simply to film a short video of myself telling Lucy: ‘I love you, I’m thinking of you’ and to fire this off to her over Whatsapp. Lucy replied with the ‘heart eyes’ emoji. It really warmed my cockles.
One of the quizzes revealed that Lucy thinks I spend way too much time on my phone. This was a jumping-off point to us discussing the issue. Last weekend, we had a tech-free night where we curled up on the sofa, watched a film and talked about it afterwards. We felt really close. The advice may sound obvious, but sometimes you need to hear it from a third person.
“We will definitely stick with the app. Some of the features about sex I found a bit embarrassing, but I was really comfortable with the emotional stuff.”
Lucy, 45, investment trust accountant
“The first thing we had to do was a quiz to work out our ‘attachment styles’. The outcomes were labrador (secure), cockatoo (anxious), Siamese cat (dismissive) and rabbit (fearful). I was a labrador, and was sure Jamie would turn out the same, but I was surprised to discover he was a cockatoo. This sparked a conversation that revealed he is, indeed, a bit anxious and needs validation and physical affection. ‘It’s free to hold hands,’ I thought, so we are going to do this more. Hugs are also pretty cheap.
“The main problem is, we are both so tired by our jobs and families. So I contacted Munni, our personal coach, about how to navigate this. She got back with a detailed reply within a few hours. ‘There are some useful strategies that can help with staying connected even when you’re not physically together,’ she wrote, directing me to an in-app lesson called Creative Ways to Close the Gap. I followed the advice; now, instead of trying to talk while I’m loading the dishwasher or helping the kids with their homework, Jamie and I are going to set aside dedicated periods to chat, even if we only speak half the number of minutes we used to.
“The app is great: it markets itself as ‘health insurance’ for even a good relationship, and I think that’s spot on. From just a few days of applying the practical suggestions, we can feel the romance coming back.”