‘DO I CHOOSE MY DAUGHTER OR MY HEALTH?’
THE LOCKDOWN CONUNDRUM FACING FAMILIES
If we had to live apart, I would be devastated
At some point in the coming weeks, I may be forced to choose between living with my daughter Freya, and my own health.
I have cystic fibrosis and have been on a self-imposed lockdown since before most people were even contemplating staying at home. When news of coronavirus began to ramp up, I knew I’d have to do everything in my power to avoid it, and realised that could mean having to live separately from my little girl.
I have already endured time apart from her as, before they closed, someone at Freya’s school came down with the virus.
She was at her dad’s for the weekend (we are separated) and I knew she had to stay put. I couldn’t risk her bringing it home to me.
She was there for nearly three weeks. I went back and forth over whether she should come home, and reasoned that if they didn’t leave the house, or exhibit symptoms, there should be no reason for her not to. I couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing her for months
– though I now realise that if the lockdown were to be lifted, and she returned to school, we would be facing the same conundrum.
As things stand, she has been back with me for a week. But we have had to keep our distance, which has been hard (try telling your eight-year-old she can’t cuddle you). I want all this to be over, but the idea of the lockdown being lifted while there is still a risk is terrifying, too.
If we had to live apart, I would be devastated. But I need to stay alive. How am I supposed to make that call? Here, at least her dad can come by and chat from the street below our balcony.
Freya is coping admirably. She has grown up knowing her mummy’s health is fragile. I occasionally have to spend a couple of weeks at a time in hospital, often with little notice.
At first, she was anxious about the virus. She asked her dad, “what happens if we get it?” and he said we would be fine. Then she asked, “what happens if Mummy gets it?” He said I could be very sick – he didn’t say “she could die” but he didn’t need to. “Right,” said Freya, “I’ll stay here then.”