Voting in the Commons in the style of One Man and His Rees-mogg
Most MPS end up forgotten. Not Jacob Rees-mogg. The right honourable member for North East Somerset will occupy a permanent place in political lore. His legacy is assured. Because yesterday he oversaw the single most farcical shambles in the entire history of the House of Commons.
As an arch-traditionalist, the Leader of the House had decided it was time to abandon this newfangled remote voting, and, despite the pandemic, force MPS back to Westminster to vote in person.
But, because of social distancing, they couldn’t cram into the lobbies, as of old. So instead Mr Rees-mogg ordered MPS to line up, six feet apart, and declare their voting intention, one by one, at the dispatch box. Yesterday, they tried it. It was utter chaos.
The queue to vote was almost a mile long and snaked half way around the Parliamentary estate.
Beginning inside Portcullis House, it tumbled down an escalator, spilt out into a courtyard, then ran up on to the New Palace Yard green – at which point the line disintegrated into a mad squiggle, with bemused and/or irked MPS chatting in not at all socially distanced groups, with police officers trying helplessly to shepherd them in the right direction. It was like watching One Man and His Dog. Except the sheep take a lot less prompting.
As the sun blazed down on exposed necks and scalps, consternation reigned.
“Ridiculous!” harrumphed MPS. Some called it “doing the Mogg Conga”. One Tory said he was popping back to his office to fetch his priority boarding pass.
Once they’d stumbled down off the green again, MPS zigzagged through Westminster Hall, up steps, along a corridor, finally reaching the Commons chamber, where a despairing Speaker was gesticulating frantically and bawling, “Come on!
COME ON! Let’s keep it moving!”, as if coaching a hapless primary school football team.
All each MP had to do was pass either the left side of the central table if voting Aye, or the right side if voting No. They then had to pause, say their name, and add either Aye or No.
But even this was a mess. Numerous MPS forgot to say their name; others remembered their name but forgot to say Aye or No; and some forgot to say anything at all, and had to be called back by a clerk.
From start to finish, this festival of absurdity lasted 45 minutes – and that was just for the first division. Another division was due straight afterwards. So they had to go back and do it all again. This time, Stephen Crabb (Con, Preseli Pembrokeshire) accidentally voted Aye on the No side – and then attempted to correct himself by voting No on the Aye side.
The most farcical thing of all, though, was that, on the order of the Tory whips, a majority of MPS actually voted to keep this hilarious new system. So now they’ll have to do it all the time.