HOW TO COPE ADVICE FOR PARENTS

Help them find their ‘why’

For teenagers to succeed, they also have to believe they’re trying to get good marks for themselves, not to please parents. Talk about what your teen wants to do in life, how they plan to get there and how they will have more choice about what they do after school if they to put the effort in now.

Help them break schoolwork into chunks

At this age, teens fall roughly into two groups: diligent workhorses who were already studying hard and the discouraged ones who don’t want to open a textbook. When these teens hit a wall, don’t criticise, offer to help them break down their tasks into chunks and find explainer videos on Youtube.

Understand a teen’s need to connect

If your teen wants to go to a large social gathering, rather than tell them they are irresponsible, first say you understand their need to see friends. Acknowledge their frustration so they feel heard by saying: “I wish this was different too.” Be ready for your teenager to insist their friends are allowed to hang out with their mates as much as they want. You will have to answer that different families have different rules and you will reconsider when the Government guidance changes. Help find a compromise by suggesting they invite friends for socially distanced get-togethers in the garden.

Don’t rise to the conflict

Be ready to be on the receiving end of undeserved yelling as your teenager is now liable to direct his feelings of frustration at you as their safest target – especially as the higher thinking areas in their brains to control such outbursts are still developing. As far as possible, avoid pouring oil on the flames. Count to 10, walk away and say that when they are able to express their feelings without aggression, you will always be ready to listen.

By Tanith Carey and Dr Angharad Rudkin, author of “What’s my Teenager Thinking? Practical Child Psychology for Modern Parents” available at https://amzn. to/3cmkus6