Lacking in material girl
Like millions of others this week, I duly dropped in on Madonna’s Instagram to see what all the fuss was about. The Patron Saint of Conical Bras had caused uproar in certain quarters with her semi-naked bathroom/kitchen/whatever selfie. She has form in semi-naked selfies, so I was expecting a shocker.
The crutch rammed into her right armpit (she’s just had regenerative surgery) was, admittedly, cause of consternation. There was the rain hat – they’re fashionable again, thanks to Dior and Prada – but indoors? And was the odd little folding seat, something a manicurist might sit on, there for a carer, or some kind of fetish? None of these things were what many of Madonna’s alleged fans wished to see, and they vocalised their outpourings on Facebook et al in fairly brutal terms.
The chief villain of the picture seems to be Madonna’s face. Or rather the mysterious substances she injects into it. Here I must declare some inconsistency, because previously I, too, have winced at the lengths the world’s most commercially minded anarchist has gone to in order to conform to our era’s questionable standards of beauty. Wouldn’t it be better, I thought, if Madonna, who led the way for so much – both good and bad – that’s now commonplace in popular culture, showed us all how to age gracefully?
But when was Madonna about grace? She’s many things, including an incorrigible narcissist (isn’t that part of a celebrity’s job description?), but acceptance of dreary old fate was never one of her qualities. And why does she need to set us any kind of example? There’s something prurient and misogynistic about all the flak directed towards her and I felt guilty that I’d rushed over to judge.
She’s 61 and plying a trade that works best when you’re 21 or 31. What’s she supposed to do? Take up the lute? Find knitting? Her face, her body and her provocative fashion statements were always her fortune to a far greater degree than her voice. So give her a break. There are many different ways to age in 2020 – and that’s our great good fortune. Let Madonna do it her way, while you and I do it ours. And remember, censoriousness is very ageing.