‘Waving them off during a pandemic is emotionally draining’

When our older two sons leave home for university next week it should be a moment of euphoria, for them and for us. A chance for the boys to spread their wings, gain their independence and get away from Mum and Dad. But when we take 18-year-old Leo up to Leeds, our alma mater, it will certainly not be a trip down memory lane. Our favourite haunts – some still there after 23 years, including the Faversham pub where we met – will not be able to offer up the same crazy nightlife, drink-fuelled fun and nights of romance we both half-remember.

Instead of the flirting across the lecture halls and hanging with new friends in the student union like we did, Leo will instead be looking at a student future of no in-person lectures (granted, something we once dreamt of…) and more of a preoccupation with face masks than carefree fun.

Oh yes, university life is going to be completely different. That is, if he gets there at all – there are rumours his halls of residence may not even open, and that Leeds is on the list of places likely to go into lockdown next. All of this makes me deeply sad, but I know Leo is ready to go and experience the next chapter of his life – even if it will be a far more sobering experience than we had.

With a year between my older kids, Leo had heard all about how exciting the first term was from 19-year-old Zack, who will return to Birmingham University for his second year. Sadly, with freshers’ week now cancelled, Leo will not have the same opportunity to go wild, phone me up at 3am to tell me he has vomited and didn’t know where he was, as Zack did last year.

Well, at least this year, I will know where Zack is sleeping, as he moves into a student house with five friends – making their own bubble of six. No house parties, no sleepovers and (maybe) no drinking the bar dry. Of course Zack cannot wait to get back to student life after his first year ended so abruptly, but I know he is very cautious, particularly as he is close to his two sets of grandparents, all in their 80s.

I feel a bit helpless for my boys: university is meant to be the best years of their life, and it is so emotionally draining to wave them off in this environment. But they are old enough to go, follow the rules, and take whatever is thrown at them. And I’ll be sure to send them away with enough sanitiser to last until Christmas.