Hancock’s a dreaming Dorothy leading us up the yellow brick road

Matt Hancock’s Commons statement yesterday was designed to manage expectations. “People everywhere can take some small hope that our efforts together may be beginning to work. But we must not let up ... One day, over this virus, we will prevail!”

The phrase “one day” reminded me uneasily of Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz: “Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue, and the vaccine you dream of makes all your dreams come true.”

But distant sunny uplands require “difficult but necessary decisions”, and soon the Mr Hancock was unveiling draconian new restrictions in the North. For the people of Merseyside, Warrington and Teesside, it seems there’s no place like home.

Outbreaks, he noted, were “highly localised”, meriting targeted intervention. Looking at the far-flung locations of affected regions, the restrictions didn’t seem at all localised: 48 towns, cities and districts currently under lockdown (and, thanks to Welsh Labour, most of Wales).

Still, defending lockdown is an easy gig; any rise in cases proves it was imposed too slowly, any slump provides incontrovertible evidence that lockdowns work. It’s rather reminiscent of medieval physicians, attributing any sign of recovery to the effectiveness of bloodletting, any deterioration to insufficient application of leeches.

But Mr Hancock had overlooked the rainbow coalition of foes awaiting him. MP after MP stood up, Spartacus-like, lamenting the destruction of hospitality venues and the 10pm curfew’s unintended consequences.

Then came a sight of Sphinx-like elusiveness; Conservative MPS expressing conservative principles. Philip Davies (Shipley) proposed “personal responsibility”. Sir Desmond Swayne (New Forest West) proved himself worthy of a second knighthood by asking Mr Hancock to consider making landlords responsible for enforcing curfews. Sarah Dines (Derbyshire Dales) reeled off a litany of fabulous-sounding historic watering-holes under threat. I yearned for a pint at The Peacock at Rowsley or The Old Dog at Thorpe.

Then something truly extraordinary happened; a Lib Dem said something liberal. Daisy Cooper (St Albans) launched an attack on dreamingDorothy-thinking. “The Government is simply not listening. It seems to be covering its eyes and ears and saying ‘la la la la la’. I asked for some evidence behind this measure, and he has provided none,” she snapped.

Again and again, Hancock claimed the policy was “constantly under review”, begging the question of what would be needed to end the curfew?

Perhaps we shouldn’t be too surprised. After all, when you’re following the lockdown yellow brick road to the Emerald City of vaccination, accompanied by a blond-maned cowardly lion who’s lost his nerve and a platoon of empty-headed scarecrows, it’s easy to ignore reality.