MODERN LIFE SHANE WATSON
Forget boogie... The words we’d really like to see banished from the English language
Apparently, there are many words – “bonk” and “sozzled” among them – that are no longer familiar to anyone under the age of 30. “Cad” is nearly extinct, as is “boogie” also (I can vouch from personal experience). Millennials will look at you like you are from Mars if you say, “I don’t know him from Adam”, let alone “he’s a queer fish”. The list of words and phrases that mean zero to them is longer than you’d think (what’s a fountain pen? What is square? How do you mean “that’s a bit rum?”), but it’s more fun to think of the words and phrases we’re all familiar with today that we’d really like to see the back of. Starting with:
Being authentic
This is how Meghan Markle likes to describe herself when what she really means is “I will not be put in the second row”. There are plenty of other words that Meghan’s well on the way to turning us off, including “inspiring”, and “energy” (spirituality), and “passion” and “celebrate” but, happily, most of them no one else was planning on using ever, eg, “relatable lens”. Harry is working hard on making “platform” the new “gap yah”.
For Me
Sign there For Me. Put the gown on For Me. Hold the line For Me. Sit here For Me. Or, alternatively, drop the For Me and there’s no chance of anyone feeling nails-on-blackboardy.
Flaunting
As in a woman flaunting her figure by going swimming. No man has ever flaunted his physique – but women are at it up and down the country. Sometimes they flaunt their weight loss. Sometimes their post baby figures. Sometimes their après divorce toned abs. See also “parading her healthy holiday look”, which we all know means “She’s been at the carbonara”.
Youngsters (resurrected by Education Secretary Gavin Williamson)
The people to which he refers are students, or children; young people would cover it, and has done the job nicely in the half-century since “youngsters” was mothballed, along with “chocks away” and “good golly”.
Snowflakes
As in the drippy millennial generation. The snowflakes are doing OK and not being any more melty than the rest of us. Also the term snowflakes arose from an assumption that they had No Idea how easy they had it, and we don’t think that so much any more.
Droplets
Covid has got its hands on this word and sullied it for good. Similarly, mask. Visor. Shield. “Shielding” is truly horrible.
Journey As in life. What older types used to call their life, not
thinking of it as a miraculous tale of loss, hope, redemption and the power of love starring Julianne Moore.
WFH
As in working from home. Both because we would like to see the back of it and because we are always on the cusp of confusing it with WTF. Although these days you say What The Actual F---. Apparently.
Midlife
We use it all the time as a means of avoiding the term Middle Age, just because that sounded too like our parents when they were the same age as we are. But, honestly, now “midlife” suggests we are taking memory supplements, fear standing in heels and lie in bed at night reading catalogues.
Vintage
When it’s Karen Millen from five years ago. We call that second-hand, come off it, and please, never preloved. Yuk.
That’s our “takeaway” anyway.