The Daily Telegraph

Celia Walden

It’s time we stopped us­ing ng the word ‘snowflake’

- Entertainment · Celebrities · End of the World · Religion · Oscar Wilde · Cheltenham · Cheryl Cole · Kate Middleton · Cambridge · Joan Collins · Rupert Everett · Sekai no Owari · Comic Relief · Prabhas

There’s only one man I’ve idly fan­ta­sised about “turn­ing” over the years – if it’s not a can­cellable of­fence to have such thoughts… – and that’s Ru­pert Everett.

He’s beau­ti­ful. He’s witty. He’s a great writer (his new book, To the End of the World: Trav­els with Os­car Wilde, sin­gle-hand­edly nd­edly got me through last ast week­end). ).

But re­ally ally it’s that he comes omes out with com­ments ts like these, made de at the Chel­tenham en­ham Lit­er­ary Fes­ti­val on n

Sun­day: “We “We’re in such a weird new ne world – a kind of S Stasi, it feels like to m me – and if you do don’t re­flect ex­actly the right at­ti­tud at­ti­tude, you risk ev­eryth ev­ery­thing be­ing de­stroyed de­stro for you by th this judg judg­men­tal, sanc­ti­mo­nious, in­tran­si­gent, in­tractable, in­vis­i­ble caul­dron of hags around in the vir­tual world…”

I first met the ac­tor in 2012, when in the course of our in­ter­view, he man­aged to re­de­fine van­ity (“think­ing you’re hideous when in fact you’re good-look­ing”), ex­plain what “drib­ble drains” are (the two lines lead­ing down from an age­ing mouth), call Ch­eryl Cole “su­per­nat­u­rally un­tal­ented” and brand the Duchess of Cam­bridge “a ti­gress”.

He then told The Guardian that he’d al­ways imag­ined my hus­band – with whom he’d fallen out on Comic Re­lief Does The Ap­pren­tice – “to be hung like a budgie”. From there, we pro­gressed to long lunches.

I was al­most sad when they made up, hav­ing liked the idea of keep­ing him to my­self. When I told our mu­tual friend Dame Joan Collins about my fan­tasy to “turn” him, she laughed. “Oh dar­ling,” she said, dry­ing her eyes, “that’s never go­ing to hap­pen…”

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